Friday, June 19, 2009

A little hope...

I called the vet yesterday to let them know that we'd decided on drug #2 (I think it's adria.mycin) and was irritated when I didn't get a call back. So I called again, but by then it was almost 6 and her aa was gone, so she didn't get the message until this morning. She called me at 10am and apologized. She thought she had told her aa to cal me back and let me know to make an appointment. I wish her aa had called, because I could have brought B in today. The dr won't be in on Monday, so B will have a treatment on Tuesday. I have all my fingers crossed that it will stop the growth of her lymph nodes and the progression of the cancer, and maybe reverse it for at least a little while. I really, really, really want just one last summer with her feeling healthy.

I asked III last night about his crappy mood (which was still in residence at our house last night). He said "It's just work stuff. I hate my job and I'm tired of complaining about it." But at least I've learned something in our almost-three years of marriage. I just sat quietly and he started talking. He talked for over twenty minutes. He's so frustrated with his job and as pissed off that it is all out of his control. He's tried everything he could to make it better and is still miserable. I'm hoping that the cyclical parts of his job will make it so things will eventually get better. In the meantime, though he said he doesn't want to complain and I don't love listening to the tirade, it definitely made the evening more pleasant once he finished. He was still pretty mopey, but not so charged and edgy.

He is definitely sad about B too. When he stops to pet her or give her a belly rub, he does it with more intent. That's the only way I can describe it. Like he is soaking up the experience to file away for when she is gone. He also let her sleep with us in the bed last night. *sigh* The day we lose her is going to be very, very dark in our house. :(

Today is my last day of classes, then we have 2 more days with kids (activity days) and one day without (meetings and cleanup). Come on Summer! Hurry up!

Beta is one week from yesterday and I'm thinking about it as little as possible. That doesn't mean that while I'm trying to fall asleep I'm not counting backward to a possible due date or forward to the date that would end the first trimester... but no one's perfect. ;)


Anonymous said...

so glad your h opened up to you - that had to be a relief.

I am still so sad with you about bdog.


Jess said...

Big Hugs about B-dog! Spoil her rotten and soak up her love and try to pretend she isn't going anywhere while doing it...just enjoy your baby girl (I know it is easier said than done!)