There's actually a baby in there!

Continued spotting and ongoing twinges led me to call my OB again who sent me to the high-risk u/s doctor. (Who, by the way, was A MILLION times better than the doctor at the other u/s place I would otherwise go to...)

Baby is measuring 14 weeks with a heartbeat of 154. We don't know what is causing the spotting, but the doctor said it could even be leftover from when I had the bleeding at 6w.

I left with pictures- for the first time they showed more than a little blob in a cavity.
III said it looks like a potato with a head. All I can focus on is that sweet little nose.

I still have my OB appointment on Monday, but this should definitely get me through the weekend and then some. (I hope.)

And now for the bleeding...

There is a certain type of cramping I've gotten with each pregnancy.

It's in the lower middle of my abdomen, kind of towards the front. It is exactly where my lowermost scar is from my myomectomy. It is sharper than most of the other cramping I feel on and off. It only lasts for a little while.

By now, I know that when I feel it, I should expect some bleeding within an hour. Today was no exception.

I'm trying to be as zen as possible about it. I know that most women have some cramping during their first trimester. I know that 20-25% of successful pregnancies had bleeding in the first trimester. I know that with both my previous pregnancies I had a subchorionic hematoma, which likely caused the bleeding. (If you have a SCH with previous pregnancies, are you more prone to having them again?) Maybe this shouldn't reassure me, considering I lost both of those pregnancies, but before the losses two separate doctors assured me that a SCH is very common and generally normal and benign.

Tomorrow, I will be 6w. Two days and a wake up to our u/s. I saw Dr. Z last week for my post op, and he said that we have "optimized everything we can" for this cycle.

III and I were talking tonight about how we are trying our best to not stress/worry about things this time- to just let them happen- but that it is very hard. How can we not? And, as III said, even if we find that things are fine, we have a long way to go...

Seeing red.

I'm bleeding.

I called and talked to the nurse- she scheduled me for a 9:30am ultrasound.

Damn it.

TGIF

I am exhausted and do not feel super. It's hard to make it through a full day of teaching without starting to feel crappy by the end of it. I think I've been pretty good about eating and staying hydrated throughout the day, but by about 1pm I'm pooped and often nauseous.

Today I woke up to a very little pink spotting again, exactly like Wednesday. Except, today there were 2 tiny clots. They weren't very big and there was no other bleeding so I did not call my dr. I know in general they say you should call if you have clots, but considering a) they were really small b) there was no other bleeding and c) I just had an u/s yesterday I decided to wait and see how things go. It's the weekend, so I can relax and if it happens again I'll definitely call.

Look how calm I'm being? Aren't you proud? I am. I'm working hard. The great u/s yesterday certainly helps. I'm sure that will only last so long, though. It's going to be a long 33 weeks!

I made my first pregnancy purchase on the recommendation of a friend. The book "The Girl.friend's Gui.de to Preg.nancy". I'm only 30 pgs into it, but so far I like it. It's less of the medical and technical sides of things, and more advice from other women.

In other news, B-dog has a new and strange symptom. She has ulcerations on her tongue (one going all the way through) which are also causing some nasty rotting-smelling breath. (Really not great with my pregnancy nose...) I took her to the vet today and, as I had expected and hoped, they didn't do any biopsying or blood testing. It just doesn't make sense considering we know she has progressive cancer. The vet gave me antibiotics and an oral wash, which will hopefully take care of the stinky mouth and clear up any infection that might be causing or related to the sores. Luckily, other than that she is still feeling pretty good.

Finally, yay for C by the Sea! She just got a spectacular beta, and it's looking like there may be twins in her future! Woo hoo!

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend. :)

Now this?

As I'm sitting around waiting for III to call with news about his dad, I went to the bathroom...

...and there is a teeny bit of light pink spotting.

Still taking the endo.metrin, so I have the discharge from that. So it is this that is tinted a little pink. Trying not to freak out. I know that spotting is totally normal, that the endo.metrin discharge might be making it seem like there is more than there is, and that the little I have might not even qualify as "spotting". The fact that I'm shoving a plastic applicator up there with a hard progesterone pill in it three times a day could also be contributing.

Shitty shitty night. :-( Just trying to remember to breathe in and out right now...