Friday, June 1, 2012


Like many infertility bloggers, I hoped that once I got my take home baby I'd still be here to update and blog. Yeah, clearly I haven't been very good about that.

Part of it is that I now frequent another online community with other moms who have babies born around the same time as G-man- as myself, not anonymously. There are only a few of us who have dealt with IF, and I'm one of the only "hard core" infertiles. It's hard sometimes. Several are already pregnant again. Most of them as "oops" pregnancies. It still really stings.

I really want to have another baby. It feels different than it did before G-man. I AM a mom. No one can take that away from me. But it doesn't mean I don't resent that fact that I can't easily plan a sibling for him.

I've been a SAHM for the last nine months, and now I'm applying to jobs in our new city. I have one definite offer and another potential offer coming either today or Monday. I really have mixed feelings about it. I'm not wired to be a SAHM. But going back to work full time is daunting, especially at a new school. Plus, if we decide to jump back into this whole process again in the hopes of adding to our family, where will that fit? Appointments and blood draws and procedures... all while trying to establish myself at a new school and balance that with being a good mom.

I don't love our new city. Often, I just want to "go home". But, it is what it is. So I'm hoping going to work will help me settle in more and get back to myself. I want to be happier. I have my moments of happiness, but I want to be more consistently happy.

OH, and G? He's awesome. A happy, easy baby. I don't know if it's ironic or fitting that I had such an easy pregnancy, delivery, and now baby after all we went through the four years before. I love this little man so much, and know that I was meant to be his mama.