Friday, June 26, 2009

Feeling a little better today...

...though I am definitely not pregnant. I clearly have my period. I couldn't stand it anymore, so last night I did not take the Endo.metrin so I could start using tampons again. I'm going to call the NP today to see if I can officially stop taking it. I don't see how anything could survive in my uterus through this bleeding.

III called yesterday to let me know when he was going to be home and said "If you know the results, don't tell me." He had to go do something for work, and didn't want to be distracted while in a possibly dangerous situation. While I understand that, it did rub me the wrong way a little bit. Isn't it nice that he has that option. While I don't have to answer the phone for the beta results, I can't ignore the side effects and bleeding. It makes it feel like it all falls on my shoulders.

When he got home, he asked right away. I told him and he seemed angry- but I think he was just disappointed. After he showered and changed, he came and cuddled with me. He's very ready to be a daddy. I wish I could give him that. While I know this isn't my fault, I feel like I'm failing. Especially this cycle. We had two embryos. They were put into my uterus. I couldn't keep them. *sigh*

In other happier news, B-dogs lymph nodes are definitely smaller. I'm so relieved. I couldn't imagine leaving her for a week if she wasn't doing better. She has been a little picky about her food lately though... I'm going to try to hold off being worried about that unless she stops eating completely. She usually gets cottage cheese with her food, and we've run out so that might be part of why she's being picky.

I am planning to try to get some work done today. I spent yesterday on the couch. I have a list of things to do today. But I'm going to take an hour or so to myself before I begin. Maybe I'll even go to yoga...

7 comments:

just me, dawn said...

i am so sorry that this cycle didn't work out. but glad to hear that b-dog is doing better. sending you a big hug.

c by the sea said...

so glad to hear B-dog is feeling a little better. my dog LOVES boiled hamburger and white rice when she's under the weather. just a thought if you are trying to get her to eat something.

i'm so sad this cycle didn't work out this month. maybe we will be cycling together again next time? i have my follow up today. we'll see how it goes.

good luck on monday. do you think you are going to take a month off, or go right in to another fresh cycle?

Jess said...

Yay for Bdog! So glad she is doing better! I didn't know dogs like cottage cheese, lol!

So sorry about this cycle! Big hugs and enjoy your consolation prize, your bottle of wine!

AJ48 said...

I am sorry that this c didnt work out! :( Hang in there...it will happen. Now you can have your glass of wine!!!

mchelle said...

I am sorry that this did not work but I am very glad to hear that B dog's lymph node sweling has gone down.

I know what you mean abou feeling like it is a personal failure. I think we all know what a slippery slope it is go down even thinking bout blaming ourselves but yet sometimes it's there that nagging in the deepest part of us. Know that you are doing everything you can. Give your self space to be angry at everything or nothing at all, sad, frustrated...they are all natural feelings. I remember feeling like the more I stuffed my emotions into a box the more they reared their ugly head and bothered me.

mchelle said...

I am sorry that this did not work but I am very glad to hear that B dog's lymph node sweling has gone down.

I know what you mean abou feeling like it is a personal failure. I think we all know what a slippery slope it is go down even thinking bout blaming ourselves but yet sometimes it's there that nagging in the deepest part of us. Know that you are doing everything you can. Give your self space to be angry at everything or nothing at all, sad, frustrated...they are all natural feelings. I remember feeling like the more I stuffed my emotions into a box the more they reared their ugly head and bothered me.

meinsideout said...

Do they think you had implantation, i.e. a chemical pregnancy, i.e. an early miscarriage?

((HUGS)) to you