Friday, March 13, 2009

So much to say...*

Lots of things floating around in my head today.

(Though Lisa tells me there is no 'overshare' on my blog, if there was, here's one coming up.) After a very weird morning, I finally got my period yesterday afternoon. Today it's almost gone again. Weird. It's like I got my entire period all in one afternoon- it was pretty heavy and included clots, which isn't normal for me. Very odd. But I did call the clinic and they have me taking 150iu on CDs 3 and 4 (Sat and Sun) and 75iu on CDs 5 and 6. Then I go in early Wednesday morning for an u/s and blood test so they can determine further dosage.

I literally stayed at school all day yesterday because it was our school's play, and if I had made the 25 min drive home I wouldn't have felt very motivated to drive back for the 7:30 production. They did Beauty and the Beast, and while it was definitely a middle school production, it was cute. I don't know what it is about musicals, but I get kind of choked up when there are those whole cast songs. I don't know if it's the kids or if the music really gets to me... though in professional productions I cry all the time. Sobbed both times I saw Miss Saigon and both times I saw Rent. Cried through "For Good" in Wicked... But then again, I cried through the end of the movie "The Express" the other day when III and I watched it, so maybe I'm just a sap. :)

One of the students who was in the production is a student of mine who is super needy. (Well, to be honest, I have a lot of students who are super needy but this is the one that is taking up most of my time and energy.) Lee has some major learning disabilities but what makes things more difficult are her social issues. She is very immature, has a strange way of interacting with other kids, and is very attention seeking. She is the type of student who can really get under a teacher's skin, but for some reason I have had a soft spot for her and have tried to be supportive and welcoming. Now I am her "favorite teacher", which sounds great. Except for a number of things... she struggles so much with the curriculum, the school offered her parents pull out small group classes for 3 of her subjects, including math. Her mom doesn't want her pulled out from math because Lee likes me so much. Great, except with her memory issues and learning disabilities she has been unable to keep up with the material, despite meeting with me 3x a week outside of class, and taking up what probably amounts to 1/3 of my time during class (and there are 17 other kids in the class). Last week she got a 35% on a quiz and cried and cried- I felt terrible! But the mom also doesn't want us to give her a "Pass" instead of giving her specific grades (A, B, C). I can make modifications, but that may not be enough for the levels of difficulties she's having. What can I say to this weeping girl in front of me when half the problem is that her mom doesn't want to make the hard choices?

On top of that, she is now in my room almost every morning before school and every study hall period we have. If there are other kids who need help, she gets irritated and acts out more and more to get my attention. Yesterday I had about 8 kids for extra help after school (it's my regular extra help day). I wasn't giving her enough attention, so she went and splashed water on her face and told me I had made her cry. Then, when that wasn't working, she purposely smashed her knee into a desk (a knee that has been injured for about 2 months and for which she is currently attending PT to help make it better) so that she could conjure up real tears, and then went to the teacher next door and told her I made her cry. (The teacher next door didn't believe it, so I'm not worried about that...)

This child is exhausting me. The more I try to meet her needs, the clingier she becomes. The English teacher said "She has imprinted on you!" (Twilight reference...) It's difficult because her mother is encouraging it, our guidance counselor isn't very effective this year, and she needs connections at the school and that's what I am for her right now.

Finally, B-dog had her chemo treatment this week. It was the same medicine that made her sick while we were away, so we've been keeping a close eye on her, but she seems to be doing fine. In the notes they give us at the end of every treatment, it stated that her mandibular lymph nodes were slightly pronounced but that they consider her to be in remission. I'm glad that's the case, and I should probably listen to the experts, but it makes me a little worried. I was trying to see last night if I could tell they were enlarged but they weren't enough that I would have noticed if they hadn't written that. They also said she only has 3 treatments left (every other week, so that's 6 weeks of meds left) and, on one hand, that made me happy. No more weekly vet trips. No more chemo cost. Fewer meds... but then I started thinking- what if the cancer treatments are what is keeping the lymphoma at bay, and as soon as they stop she gets sick again? The thought terrifies me. I just got hot all over typing it out. I guess when I talk to the vet, I should ask how likely that is... I know we're working on borrowed time here anyway, but I want more!

*also the name of a DMB song I used to listen to all the time in college with my boyfriend. If I was more creative and/or more musically educated, I could make every title of my post a song title, like they do the titles of Grey's Anatomy


Lisa said...

Yikes - you have a lot going on!!! Glad to hear your dog is in remission - mine has mast cell tumors and I am so afraid it will spread to her organs...

kirke said...

Oh my.....I used to teach and I had a student almost exactly like this!!! She had a really unhealthy connection....

Good luck. It sounds like you are doing everything right :) (that's probably empty praise since I'm not a teacher any more :) )

Caroline said...

Your life does sound pretty busy right now. I get teary during musicals too and I can imagine that a children's musical must be quite emotional. Particularly if you know all of the children involved.
I hope that your dog recovers soon!