Thursday, March 12, 2009

Again it begins...

It's here. CD1.

I think... my period is a little whacked this cycle, I think. I'm sure it's based on the last three months of clomid, and then not being on anything this month.

I'm nervous about this cycle. This is to "step things up" but I'm scared it won't work. I'm finding this online IF blogging community to be both helpful (I'm not alone! Others share the feelings I have!) and frightening (years of fertility treatments, miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, quadruplets!...). I both want to talk about it and don't want to talk about it. I guess what I really want is to be able to talk about it when I want to and turn it off when I want to. I can do that with one person in my 'real life'. But I'm a ruminator- I tend to talk-talk-talk-talk-talk when nervous. So I need to squelch that instinct, because if I do that to the people I see most often (coworkers) I can't turn it off when I don't want to talk anymore, because now they will feel entitled to that information. In fact, I have to figure out a way to tell SS, who already feels entitled to that information, that I don't want to talk about this cycle at all, without offending her.

I have to call the clinic soon to inform them of my CD1 status and get my instructions for the next two weeks. (I've had students in my room all morning- my first break will be at 11:36.) I'm also nervous, with all the spotting I've been having, that maybe my period hasn't really started. Where's the line between heavy spotting and light flow? (Ha. I hate that word- FLOW.) Using a tampon can blur that line, I think, but I just hate pads... I don't even have any in my house right now...

Was that an overshare? ;-)


Lisa said...

Glad it is here! I hate pads too and when I need one, I have to look all over my house for one hidden away someplace.

I used to over share - at inappropriate times and with inappropriate people. I have learned some self restraint through all of this - it has helped my sanity!

BTW, no such thing as really oversharing on your blog - it is yours!!

kirke said...

I'm a ruminator too....I always overshare and then I regret it. You are so right, once you share a little, people feel entitiled to be included always.

I'm glad it's CD1. Let the games begin!