Wednesday, March 11, 2009

The history of III and me...

I'm two and a half years into my marriage. I love the memories I have of our first months together, all of the important moments (first kiss, first "I love you", proposal, meeting the parents) and worry that as the years go on I'll forget the details of us falling in love.

What better place to record it than here? There are pieces of our story that we don't really share with others. But since this is anonymous for me (and despite my concerns of being discovered...) I'm willing to take the chance in order to preserve the stories.

When I met III, I had been single for four years after my six year relationship with my college boyfriend ended. I very much enjoyed the first three years of my single status. I had lots of fun dating and hanging out with my girlfriends. After the situation with R, and the resulting rebound ramifications, it just wasn't as fun anymore. I dated guys here and there over the next year, but in a lot of ways I started to prefer my own company, that of my dog, and my closest girlfriends, KB and AL (my cousin who lives out of state).

Then I met a guy on an H support site. He was a little older than me, and quite intense. At first I was flattered by the attention, but I quickly began to feel suffocated. When I told him I didn't think we were on the same page- that he was moving a lot more quickly than I was comfortable with- he got really upset and bummed out. The next day he sent me an email telling me he was "just that into me" even though he had "noticed I had some flaws". A day or two later, I got an apologetic phone call from him, saying he had spoken to his therapist and determined I "looked just like his ex wife" and he was taking out his issues with her on me.

I decided I was so done with dating.

But all of my friends were getting married and, while I was generally happy, I was lonely- I was surprised to find those two things aren't mutually exclusive. I wanted someone to pay attention to me, someone to spend time with. But I didn't want to deal with the crap that goes along with deciding if you want to begin a relationship with someone.

So I decided to place an ad on Craigslist. My ad said that I wasn't looking for a boyfriend, but I was looking for someone who wanted to date regularly, wanted to go out, wanted to stay in... but wasn't necessarily looking to constantly assess "where is this going?" I realize this makes me sound a bit like a hussy, but my family has always had a pretty healthy, though liberal, take on s.ex and my main requirement is that there be a mutual level of respect.

I got over 100 emails. Many of them made it clear that they hadn't read my ad (which, btw, clearly said I had H but that I was very knowledgeable and careful about it). Others were obviously not going to give me that level of respect I required. There were actually only two that were worth responding to.

After an exchange of emails, and an understanding that we both were busy and really looking for more of a casual "friends with benefits" situation, III and I decided to meet up. I had rules for my first dates- always on a "school night" (allowing for an easy escape excuse if it was a bad date), I would drive myself (same reason as the first, plus safety reasons), we would meet in a public place (obviously) and meet for drinks (a short activity that could be extended if desired). III and I met on a Sunday night at a swanky Italian place on the "Rodeo Drive" of our city. I was anxious because I had trouble finding parking and was late. He was nervous (though I didn't find this out until later) because he had a big cold sore on his lip and was self conscious about it.

When the hostess asked if we were there for drinks or dinner, III told her "dinner". I guess he didn't know my rule... but it turned out ok. We had a nice time and chatted. He seemed reserved, but often times anyone seems reserved compared to me. ;)

At about 8:00, III said "I should get going. I have to get up early for work tomorrow." Hey! He used my excuse!!! I thought "This guy is so not interested. I'm never going to hear from him again..." He surprised me, though, by asking me, as he walked me to my car, if I was free on Friday night. We arranged that he would call me on Wednesday to make plans for Friday.

Sure enough, I got a call from him on Wednesday. (Throughout our courtship, one thing that always impressed me with III was that, if he said he was going to call, he called. Every time.) I had to work Friday night, so we arranged for him to meet me at the hotel where I worked after I finished my shift. For our second date, we went down the street from the hotel and had dinner and drinks. This time, III was much more animated and open. We had a nice time and really enjoyed each others' company. At the end of the meal, III got up to use the men's room right as the waitress brought our check. He stuck it in his shirt pocket with a grin. On our first date, he was distressed that I insisted on paying (he had answered my ad, after all), so he said "I'm taking this with me so you can't pay it while I'm gone."

Neither of us were ready for our date to end. We started to go for a walk in the park, but it was too chilly to be walking around outside. We decided to go back to my condo and watch a movie.

We got there and III was introduced to B-dog. We sat down on the couch to watch X-men II (one of the only guy-friendly movies I owned at the time!). About half way through, III leaned over and kissed me for the first time. He later explained to me that he was waiting for "the good part" (when they storm the school and all the kids escape) to kiss me.

The next part of the story is R rated (there's that hussiness again!) so I'm going to skip it. :)

When it was time for III to go, I had to walk B-dog anyway, so I walked him to his car. It was still pretty chilly out, so I looped my arm through his. He kind of stiffened, and I could tell right away he was concerned that meant I was going to get too clingy... obviously, he had a lot to learn about me...

To be continued....

1 comment:

Emily said...

I love "story of us" posts! Yours is a great one!!!! Thanks for sharing!