Friday, March 6, 2009

It's all about perspective...

Whenever I'm making a judgment or analyzing a situation I've been in, I always try to keep in mind the perspective. What is it they say? - there are three sides to a story. Mine, yours and the truth. I especially think about this in regards to situations with my sister. I try to remember that she probably has her take on it and in her telling I probably don't come out looking so pretty. When a parent calls all worked up I try to keep in mind that he or she is advocating for the child and probably is taking some of the situation personally as well. When III is being a bear I remind myself that he has a stressful job that is extra difficult lately.

I also tried to keep the idea of perspective in mind today with my pregnant co-worker. She was talking about how sad it was that one of her blog friends lost her pregnancy at 12 weeks. Another blog she reads lost twins during the second trimester. The first blogger is in a same sex relationship (two women) and the second is in a hetero relationship.

So SS says to me, "At least (the second blogger) isn't in a same sex relationship where they had to pay all that money to get pregnant." Really? Does that make the loss any less devastating? Looking at my perspective- I don't know, because I've never been in either situation. What do you all think? Does one loss trump the other? Yes, the first blogger had to pay for donor sperm and for the IUI. (SS claims the second blogger did not go through IF, though having twins it seems more likely...) But the second blogger lost her babies (two babies!) when she was further along. She had probably felt her babies moving around and was surely showing... And does it even matter? Is a loss a loss?

I used to think about this in terms of relationships. My college boyfriend's father died of a brain tumor at 54. He and his wife had been together thirty years. I remember feeling it must be so hard for her to lose her life long partner. But then a coworker's cousin's wife was killed in an accident just weeks after their wedding. I felt for him and the loss of their life together- all the reams they had that they would never be able to realize. Is one more difficult than the other?

Another blogger I stumbled upon entitled her post 'Straight people say the stupidest things.' Apparently she is having trouble getting pregnant and one of her coworkers inquired as to whether they had considered adoption. She was offended by that suggestion ("typical straight person response" she said) and other gay readers of her blog commented on it- that straight people seem to think that adoption is the obvious answer for lesbian couples*. They didn't seem to realize that straight people dealing with IF get asked that question all the time too!!! Our perceptions and reactions are so guided by our experiences and that is something I really try to keep in mind, especially when I'm having a really strong reaction to something or someone...

*However, then the blogger went on to say that she was further offended when her coworker said "It's not like you can try at home," which, IMO, was pretty tactless and insensitive.

1 comment:

marc aurel said...

Pain is pain and loss is loss,but the more I invest in some action and then lose, the more attached I am to the pain. I try to be guided by Epictetus, I think his name is, but suffering seems un-avoidable nevertheless.