Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Roller coaster

This ride is such a roller coaster.

Spa day yesterday was so lovely. Very relaxing and fun to spend some girl time with KB. I had planned to spend some of the day reading my IVF documents, but didn't end up doing it. I'm glad I waited- it allowed me to just have a relaxing day.

This morning while I was eating breakfast, I pulled out the handbook and read some of it. It gave me such a pit in my stomach. It just makes me so nervous. I'm sure part of it is that I haven't done it before. I'm always nervous when I have to do something new that I am unfamiliar with.... but still.

The part I was reading was the prep for the ER. Ugh. I've had this level of procedure done before, but still- I was nervous reading about it. Plus, I have to take my navel ring out! Yes, I realize that in the big scheme of things this is not a big deal. And I've had it for twelve years, so it's unlikely that a couple of hours without the jewelry is going to make a difference. All of this craziness, and this is the part that bothers me? Ha ha.

I'm on edge about it all right now. This process is so much longer than the IUI stuff. I start Lu.pron on 5/18 and stop BCP on 5/24. I then call the NP when I get my period or on 5/28, whichever comes first, and we go from there with the meds. They're putting me on Bra.velle and Meno.pur. They estimated injections starting around 5/30 and lasting for 10-12 days with an estimated ER on 6/11. That's still a month away! *sigh*

I just made reservations to go on vacation for a weekend with KB. We'll be gone for 3 nights and 4 days in August. I'm a little nervous about whether we'd be in the middle of a treatment at that point (if this first one doesn't work) but decided I can't just put everything on hold "just in case".

Today I'm feeling especially anxious about the fact that our IF is still "unexplained".* Much of my anxiety issues are around a) things that are out of my control and b) things that are uncertain. This unexplained infertility falls into BOTH of those categories. It is making my head spin. "Why isn't all of this working????" Bah.

It's definitely one of those days where I want to crawl into bed and not come out.

*To all of you ladies who have specific IF issues, I'm definitely not trying to minimize your difficulties or imply that mine are bigger. Or to wish for a specific problem, for that matter. Be careful what you wish for, right?


sunflowerchilde said...

I hear ya on the unexplained thing. As I guess you could tell from my post, I think it's so frustrating. And I agree, it's no fun to keep putting things on hold "just in case". It's so hard to deal with all this stuff that's completely out of your control.

michelle said...

We each have our own set of circumstances - not harder or easier better or worse than anyone else's just our own personal and unique set of circumstances. I am sorry that you have so many uncertainties right now - I, like you don't deal well with uncertainty at all. I did not like the certainty that ended up with but to be 100% honest it was an answer and as odd as it sounds in a way it was a relief - a sad relief but at least there is no more unknowns for me.

I will keep all of my fingers and toes crossed that you that this next phase helps you find the answers you need to make your family grow.

Anonymous said...

It sucks. Ours is unexplained at this point - started with male factor but has since been expanded into WTF mystery land.

Good for you for still making plans - that was my mistake early on - I let it rule my life COMPLETELY. It still does on some levels but not as bad. For example, we are going on vacation and will miss a cycle.

IVF may do the trick for you - I hope that you are a one and done girl.