Last night III read to me all of the recent emails he's exchanged with his friend. I don't know if that makes me feel better about having read them before (it's not like it was secret, he shared them with me anyway) or guilty (he shared them with me anyway and here I am sneaking around!). Anyway. We chatted a lot about their situation... I still feel so bad for them and am worried they aren't going to make it. I think they would really benefit from couples' counseling because they just don't seem to be communicating well, but it's not my place to suggest it. In fact, I can't really even say anything to the wife unless she confides in me because I don't want her to know what her husband wrote to III.
During our discussion, our recent discussion (ie: my meltdown) came up. III told me that a few weeks before that happened, he had been at work feeling frustrated about things at home. He feels like he's not good at expressing his feelings, especially when he's frustrated, so when he tries to he just gets more frustrated. So he wrote a letter to me. A four page letter. He wrote all all his frustrations... and then put it in his desk. Three or four days later, he came back to it and read it. As he read it, he thought "I can't give this to her. None of the stuff in this letter is that important. It wouldn't really be appropriate." So he fed it to the shredder.
After our discussion- after he heard how I was feeling- he was really glad that he didn't give it to me. He said "Even after I shredded it, I was so sure I was right. That this was 90% you and 10% me. After our conversation, even though I still thought I was mostly right, it was more 51%/49%." ha ha ha. His point was that it's all perspective. Even if you have an idea of how the other person is feeling, you never know the whole thing unless they have shared everything in their head with you. I'm glad he was able to get it all out, and I'm glad that after the fact he was able to recognize how we share the responsibility for issues we have- but the neurotic part of me thinks "WHAT ELSE WAS IN THAT LETTER???" I asked him- "Was there anything else in the letter that you didn't get a chance to talk about?" and he said no...
At this point in our relationship we are having these, for lack of a better term, "unloading session". His friends have been married for about 7 years- isn't that supposed to be the tough period? You know, "the itch"? It scares me to think of what is in the future for III and me. I feel like we communicate pretty well. Not perfectly... but we try to balance what's important to share with what is naggy or nitpicky. But I know that all bets are off once there are kids involved. Not to mention just the day-to-day wear and tear on a relationship...
So, on the topic of perspective, here's today's quote: We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions. ~Ian Percy
On a totally separate III note... Yesterday there was a bank robbery and the suspect was shot (not killed- he's in recovery in the hospital). His old squad was involved in it. He comes home and says "Is it weird that when I heard about the shooting, my reaction was that I was mad I wasn't there?" Umm... YES. Most people would want to be anywhere but where there is shooting! I guess that's just a part of the job- he wants to help his buddies and to be where the action is. Luckily, everyone (including the suspect) is okay. But, as for me, I'd like to keep III as far from any shooting as possible...
I took my first lu.pron shot yesterday. It's the lowest key injection I've given myself so far in this process- the smallest needle, no mixing, and the least amount of liquid. At some point, I'm going to have to mix the lu.pron, the bra.velle, and the men.opur together, but that's a few weeks off so I guess I'll just take it one step at a time.
Oh, and I also called and spoke to the NP about the MASSIVE NEEDLES they sent me. She said those are for mixing- that theenormous longer needle helps when mixing the meds, but that with the Q-caps I may not even need it. Then I can screw off the 1 1/2" and replace it with the 1/2" to give myself the subcutaneous injection. Phew!
I can't believe it's only Tuesday. This month is crawling along in slow motion...
During our discussion, our recent discussion (ie: my meltdown) came up. III told me that a few weeks before that happened, he had been at work feeling frustrated about things at home. He feels like he's not good at expressing his feelings, especially when he's frustrated, so when he tries to he just gets more frustrated. So he wrote a letter to me. A four page letter. He wrote all all his frustrations... and then put it in his desk. Three or four days later, he came back to it and read it. As he read it, he thought "I can't give this to her. None of the stuff in this letter is that important. It wouldn't really be appropriate." So he fed it to the shredder.
After our discussion- after he heard how I was feeling- he was really glad that he didn't give it to me. He said "Even after I shredded it, I was so sure I was right. That this was 90% you and 10% me. After our conversation, even though I still thought I was mostly right, it was more 51%/49%." ha ha ha. His point was that it's all perspective. Even if you have an idea of how the other person is feeling, you never know the whole thing unless they have shared everything in their head with you. I'm glad he was able to get it all out, and I'm glad that after the fact he was able to recognize how we share the responsibility for issues we have- but the neurotic part of me thinks "WHAT ELSE WAS IN THAT LETTER???" I asked him- "Was there anything else in the letter that you didn't get a chance to talk about?" and he said no...
At this point in our relationship we are having these, for lack of a better term, "unloading session". His friends have been married for about 7 years- isn't that supposed to be the tough period? You know, "the itch"? It scares me to think of what is in the future for III and me. I feel like we communicate pretty well. Not perfectly... but we try to balance what's important to share with what is naggy or nitpicky. But I know that all bets are off once there are kids involved. Not to mention just the day-to-day wear and tear on a relationship...
So, on the topic of perspective, here's today's quote: We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions. ~Ian Percy
On a totally separate III note... Yesterday there was a bank robbery and the suspect was shot (not killed- he's in recovery in the hospital). His old squad was involved in it. He comes home and says "Is it weird that when I heard about the shooting, my reaction was that I was mad I wasn't there?" Umm... YES. Most people would want to be anywhere but where there is shooting! I guess that's just a part of the job- he wants to help his buddies and to be where the action is. Luckily, everyone (including the suspect) is okay. But, as for me, I'd like to keep III as far from any shooting as possible...
I took my first lu.pron shot yesterday. It's the lowest key injection I've given myself so far in this process- the smallest needle, no mixing, and the least amount of liquid. At some point, I'm going to have to mix the lu.pron, the bra.velle, and the men.opur together, but that's a few weeks off so I guess I'll just take it one step at a time.
Oh, and I also called and spoke to the NP about the MASSIVE NEEDLES they sent me. She said those are for mixing- that the
I can't believe it's only Tuesday. This month is crawling along in slow motion...
3 comments:
Hi there,
I'm glad that you and your DH are finding ways to communicate. IF is so tough on a relationship, so it is good to take time out to have some fun together. I hope that you feel better now that he has offloaded and you have discussed things together?
I agree that I would hate to have my DH anywhere near a shooting.
I loved reading that your husband wrote it all out and then read it and realized it "wasn't quite right" for lack than a better term! Communication is hard. I just took this workshop at work called Difficult Conversations and there was this great book that went with it. It was SO relate-able to relationships. I am glad to send you the title and author if you are interested. Glad to hear the first shots were not too bad!
Glad you guys talked. The shots, the shots, the shots...I feel your pain but I hope that each one is worth it. Please be my one and done blogging friend.
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