Monday, July 13, 2009

Sad stuff.

M-dog got a dental scaling today. $800 later (yikes!) I went to pick him up. While I was waiting, the door to one of the exam rooms opened and I saw four young men and women (siblings I think) in the room. One of them was repeatedly kissing the fuzzy white dog laying on the table. Another was wearing her sunglasses inside. I realized they had just put their dog to sleep. The first clearly did not want to leave. When her brother/boyfriend finally led her out of the room, she broke down into audible sobs.

It was all I could do not to cry with her.

I felt so bad for them. And then I felt bad for me knowing that sometime in the probably near future, that will be me.

I'm so sad for them and hope that whoever they are, wherever they are, they somehow sense the empathy and healing vibes I am sending them.


I have reorganized my bloglist into three. It may seem, at first glance, that I am just trying to be more organized (because, aren't I always? Even if I don't succeed?), but really I have a more selfish reason.

Pregnant blog friends: I am happy for you. I really am. And, though as I've stated in the past there is some jealousy, the fact that each of you individually is pregnant isn't bothering me.

There are just so many of you. If you count, you'll find there are now more blogs in the "Parenting and pregnancy" list than the "TTC and dealing with IF" list. To be completely accurate, there were 3 IF blogs that I removed because either they haven't posted in months and months or, in once case, she deleted her blog. And 2 of the blogs in P&P are women who are still ttc after adopting. But still. While maybe the numbers of + should give me hope about getting pregnant myself, it sadly doesn't. It makes me feel left out. It makes me feel alone. It makes me worry that, though there is yet to be anything indicating that this could happen, I will never make it to that list.



Anonymous said...

I started to cry when I saw my blog in your pregnant list. I know how I feel/felt/still feel when so many others have gotten pregnant and STAYED pregnant.

I have to say that I have felt left out so many times, left behind and crazed with envy and grief. I hope that you are moved to the pregnant list and moved there soon.


Jess said...

I've gotten lazy too-I blame it on IF, lol! :)

$800 bucks, ouch! Dogs are so expensive but so worth it! I feel so bad for that girl.

I'm glad to see that I'm on your list! I've noticed that there are more BFP than BFN and somedays it gives me hopes and some days I wonder when will it be my turn. I really hope that you will receive your BFP very soon!

c by the sea said...

as i slowly moved many, many blogs to the "pregnancy" area on my sidebar, i felt similarly (is that a word?) i even went out seeking out other IF blogs to read to beef up that area.

i hope i am moving your blog soon. when is everything getting started?