Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Yo-yo

I'm feeling like a yo-yo lately.

I am currently waiting to get my period. It's ridiculous- one month I'm praying I won't get my period and the next month I'm like "Come on already!" If I don't have it by tomorrow afternoon, I'll have to go to the clinic to get more pointless b/w done to make sure I'm not pregnant. If I was pregnant, it would be more of a miracle than the virgin birth considering I've been on bcp and lup.ron. Oh, and we have barely had any sex.

B-dog's vet appt today went well. While I'm fretting over her left mandibular lymph node, the vet was very pleased because all the rest of her nodes (there are a lot- in front of her shoulders, behind her knees, on her chest...) are small to invisible. She feels like she has responded really well and is happy that she is feeling good. She was even very impressed with her bird-catching feat. She feels it is realistic that we can get her through to the fall, and optimistically possibly even Christmas. So... yay.

It is really hard. I feel like I have been in an extended state of grief since January- grief that waxes and wanes, but is always there. Most of me wants her around for as long as possible, but there is a small part of me that recognizes that once the end comes, it's the end, and hopefully healing can begin. The back and forth is exhausting, but I also can't imagine my life without her. I rely on her at least as much as she relies on me.

No news on KB yet. She's having a beta late this afternoon, and will know the results tomorrow.

6 comments:

Mrs. Gamgee said...

I'm sorry that all is so cruddy for you right now. I know what it's like to face the loss of a pet. And the wait for AF to show (she's always slow when you want her to show up).

I hope all get easier soon!
~ICLW

meinsideout said...

I am glad to hear about bdog's status - that is good news.

((HUGS))

•´.¸¸.•¨¯`♥.Trish.♥´¯¨•.¸¸.´• said...

hi, I am visiting from ICLW...No. 50 to say hello and to check out your blog.

I am sorry you have this heartbreak of Bdog and the Missing AF ...hope you get some good things happening soon.

My Little Drummer Boys

Mad Hatter said...

Another ICLW-er here! I totally hear you about the AF mania - come, don't come, don't come like that...I hope yours comes before you have to make a trip to the clinic...OR I hope it doesn't come and you get a wonderful surprise! I'm glad your dog is doing well - I have one, also, and I can't imagine life without him.

c by the sea said...

hey there, thanks for your comment :)
i'm glad b-dog seems to be feeling a little better. when is AF supposed to come? i'm expecting her this weekend and they'll give me provera on monday if she doesn't. looks like we'll be cycling together again. hopefully for the last time!

Katie said...

I hope AF shows up for you so you don't have to go through all that Dr crap :(
ICLW