Sunday, July 26, 2009

Sometimes I have to pinch myself...

Do you ever have those moments where you look at your SO and think "I can't believe he's MINE!"

I was single for five years before I met III, and I took full advantage of it. With the exception of my rough patch in the last twelve to eighteen months, I really, really enjoyed being single.

But even so, I was acutely aware that most people were paired off. That I was no one's priority. Despite this, and the occasional lonely night, I decided I'd rather be a content single than a miserable couple. I didn't want to marry just for the sake of being married.

After our quick engagement, I panicked a little. I had a little tantrum one day in the car on the way to the grocery store, telling III, "The way I feel about you makes me feel vulnerable and that scares me." He told me "This isn't puppy love. I love you with all of my heart. I knew I wanted to marry you because, ever since I met you, you feel like family."

And so here we are. Our own little family.

So anyway... long intro to get to my point...

We went to dinner at one of our regular places the other night. We ordered a bottle of Chianti. He had the turkey dinner. I had the french dip. He proceeded to tell me about something that was going on with work.

This is not an atypical evening for us. But for some reason, I looked at him sitting across the table from me in his blue shirt and thought "I can't believe this is my life!" Sometimes, inside, I still feel like that single girl, fending for herself. And then I remember- no I'm not! I have a partner. I am somebody's priority. And it's HIM! How lucky am I?

IF sucks and it's easy to get caught up in the despair of failed IVF after failed IUI. The day-to-day of it is definitely dragging us down, but if I have to go through it, I'm glad III is the one by my side. And aside from that... well, we're pretty damn lucky.


Jess said...

AWE, so sweet! From what you write, it seems like you have a great partner. And yes, you are lucky! :)

I felt like this last night at applebees. G and I went to happy hour (no drinking) and just enjoyed our favorite appetizers. We were celebrating that I ovulated early! It was so much fun and I felt so young (it was almost like when we first started dating-I don't know why)!

Katie said...

How sweet and touching! He is definitely very lucky to have someone who loves and appreciates him so much. It know how hard it is to let the IF get in the way of happiness. You have a great perspective.

K said...

About a week ago, I had the same kind of moment about TH. I regularly think I'm so glad I have him, but that particular moment, I was so glad that if I have to endure IF, I'm so glad it's with him. He carries me through.