Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I have a minute...

...or ten.

My mom is watching a shoot-'em-up movie and my dad is playing on face.book.

Our visit so far is going well, but...

God, isn't it EXHAUSTING to have house guests???

But we had a very nice dinner tonight at home and now we're four of us, three with our individual laptops and a fourth watching a DVD. Welcome to the 21st century.

Today, I got the "Are you planning to have babies???" question. My mother has put in an order for a granddaughter. I told her I didn't think it worked like that.

I told that that we were trying. That we were having trouble. That we were "unexplained". I haven't gone beyond that. Thursday morning I'll be running out for my u/s and b/w, so we'll see how much explanation they require then.

We also had a religion discussion. III was raised Catholic. I was raised Jewish. There were promises made before we were engaged... but I don't necessarily keep him to those. I know it's different once your married, and it's especially different once the baby is actually here. But I did tell my parents about that conversation, in part with the hope that they would accept my non-Jewish partner.

So they were asking about it today. I told them that I didn't know for sure what we were doing. I told them that we would not be anywhere near what my sister and her (Jewish) husband do with their son. And I told them there will be Christmas in our house.

I know they weren't thrilled with that. And, honestly, I never thought I would consider raising Jewish kids who celebrated Christmas. But III loves Christmas. It's about compromise, and he's already compromised a lot, and agreed to compromise even more. And I love him. So, we have to do what works best for us.

Which is what I told my parents. I said, "There will be decisions we have to make because they are what's best for our family that will not please either side." My dad told me, "It's okay. We won't give you a hard time about it." Which is great. But I know that doesn't mean they won't be disappointed or disapproving.

It's so hard. That's what I told III when this first came up years ago. Inter-faith families- there is this additional level that is just more difficulty. My parents are worried we are contributing to the demise of Judaism*. His parents are afraid we are going to hell because our marriage is not "valid" in the eyes of the pope.

But I love him. And he loves me. And we are devoted to and respect each other. And isn't that what matters?

*The world population is a little under 7 billion. The Jewish population is around 13 million. In the US, many people see Judaism as a large religion. Americans are often surprised to find (due tot he fact that 40% of the world's Jewish population lives in the USA) that the religion of Judaism is only 0.2% (two tenths of a percent) of the world population... and that number is not growing... Hence, the concern for many Jews about intermarriage and assimilation.


Jess said...

You love one another and that is all that matters. You both should do what makes your family happy...I know it is hard to upset parents but ultimately YOUR family is what counts. I know inter faith relationships can be difficult but you and III have love and respect...so yes, that is what matters! It is all about compromise.

My mom wants a granchild so bad! I feel the pressure. I almost asked her today if she wanted to buy me one cause otherwise she needed to get off my back, lol!


jvwaiting said...

I just started following your blog, and getting caught up. Please keep us updated on how your parents take the news re: fertility stuff - I have yet to go there with my family.
Religion is such a tricky area. But having a peace in your heart that you are doing what is best for you and your husbands relationship, and being proud of how you raise your children - that is the most important thing.
Good luck with your journey!

Peaches said...

I cannot imagine the stress of keeping something this big from my parents,especially when they are visiting. I hope the visit goes well & that your appt on Thursday is a good one