In distress

I just had to kill a bird.

It might be the most awful thing I've ever had to do so far in my life.

It was (possibly stuck?) in my bean plant. I shook the plant and it came hopping out... it ended up in the backyard where the dogs were. Usually birds fly and squirrels and rabbits run away faster than my lumbering pups can get them.

But not this one.

Somehow, B-dog caught it in her mouth and started running with it like she was playing fetch.

I yelled at her "DROP IT!" and, like a good dog, she did. But it was too late.

It lay there still breathing and opening and closing it's little beak. I called III on the phone and he told me to take a shovel and put it in the corner of the yard and that he'd "deal with it" when he got home. I said "But it's in pain! I don't want it to suffer!" "Well, then you have to hit it in the head with a shovel..." he said. Ugh. "I don't know if I can do that." I told him. "Those are your only two options."

I had on my gardening gloves, so I got a plastic bag and tried to use it to scoop it into, but it cried!!! Awful, awful, awful. I went and got a big shovel. By the time I came back, it was still breathing but pretty much out of it. I was able to scoop it up into the shovel without it crying... it's back was clearly broken.

I tied it up in the bag and took it to the driveway. Then, I don't know how, but I managed to hit it twice with the shovel.

I don't think I've ever watched anything die and I certainly have never killed anything larger than a spider.

Awful.