Saturday, August 22, 2009

Saturday hodge-podge

I'll start with the most embarrassing thing on my mind today.

My ex is getting married today.

I had thought maybe he had (once again) canceled his wedding. (He's done it before with a different girl.) But, thank you, I discovered that his wedding is happening today.

I wish I didn't care. I know it makes me small, but there is a petty, mean part of me that doesn't want him to be happy. I still feel like he's a total lying jerk. But maybe this girl changed things for him. Maybe he's a better person now. Ironically, that thought makes me feel a little better.

Though I still can't stand him.

Moving on...

B seems to be doing better today, which leads me to believe she was having some side effects from the meds. Her mandibular lymph nodes are a little smaller, but that happened the last time too before they blew up again. The down side to trying each of these protocols is the up and down yo-yo it keeps me on. As terrible as it will be when her time comes, at least it will be final.

For the last few weeks I've been knitting a sweater. It's my first adult sweater and is from the Sti.tch 'n' book, which I finally broke down and purchased. It was supposed to be made in angora, but I wasn't willing to spend $10 a skein for a sweater I wasn't sure would work out, so I used a cheap but soft acrylic yarn of the same size/weight. It definitely acts different, but I think I'm going to be able to pull it off. It has lots of ribbing, so it's taking forever. I'm finally done with the front and back and am now onto the boring part- sleeves. I find them boring and I have to do it twice! Hopefully I'll be done in the next few days, and I really hope it's wearable. I may not have spent as much money on it, but it's been hours and hours of knitting. On the bright side, the pattern definitely taught me some new knitting stuff that will be helpful in the future.

My appt with Dr. Z yesterday was quick and easy. He seemed very happy for me and asked how I was feeling. I told him that I felt well, but I am nervous- that this whole process makes it so that I 'know too much' and it is still so early. I go tomorrow for my second beta and am hoping for 400+. Assuming it doubles, I call on Monday to schedule a 6 week u/s around Labor Day.

III and I went out to dinner last night (to one of our favorite Italian places- oh, I already miss the wine!). He is feeling the same way I am- not sure how excited to be. III told me "If we had just gotten pregnant on our own in the first six months and you had gotten a positive HPT, I would have been like 'woohoo! We're pregnant!' but after going through all of this, I don't know how to feel... now we're concerned with numbers and all of that."

He told one of his coworkers so that he knew why his head might not be in his work as much as usual. As we talked, I could tell he's tentatively feeling excited. He told me "I can't wait to see what strange cravings you'll have," and "I have to start watching what I say- there are cynical things I say that I don't really mean but that I wouldn't want to say in front of a kid." I told him I thought he had a little while to work on that. LOL. Also funny- I called him on my way to my dr appt and asked if there was anything he wanted me to ask. He said "No, not really. It's still early so at this point we just need the thing to keep growing!" I laughed. 'The thing.' LOL. Just another example of how this is not quite real for us yet- I don't think either of us are ready to believe it.

1 comment:

c by the sea said...

whoa, a sweater? sounds too hard for me. i'm working on the "big bad baby blanket" (ironically) from stich n bitch.