Don't know how to feel...

One of my biggest fears through all of this has been chemical pregnancy. Isn't that weird? Shouldn't I be more afraid of having a m/c? I'm sure if I actually had a m/c, I would be more upset than a c/p. But in my head... I dread the thought of getting that + only to be told "Oops. Just kidding. You're not pregnant after all."

Which is why I haven't become one of those ARTers who are obsessively taking HPTs. I have here and there.... but not every cycle and rarely more than once. I like that when I get my beta, they can tell me exactly how high (or low) my hcg is.

But the hope that I talked about yesterday was making me nervous. I didn't want to be caught off guard. So this morning I did it. I had a hpt that KB had bought a while back when she was late. She gave it to me, saying she wasn't going to need it for a while. (Ha ha ha. Who would think I'd still be needing it all these months later.) This morning, at 7 am, I used it.

After taking that picture, I got online to find how much hcg gave a positive result. For fi.rst resp.onse, it's only 25. But it's positive.

Am I excited? Not really. I think I'm not allowing myself to be excited yet. My beta is tomorrow. I hope it's 100+. If it's not, I know I'll be really sad. But.... this is the first time I've ever seen two lines. This is the first time I might actually be.... pregnant. (My hands are shaking as I type that.)

Please, please, please let this be my time.

**updated**
Now I can see how people do get obsessive about this. I sat here and thought about going out and buying an HPT that was less sensitive to see if I got a positive with that. Then I remembered I had a digital EP.T "Cert.ainty" under my sink.... it came free with some others I bought. EP.T Cert.ainty measures a HCG level of 50, according to fertilityplus.com.

So my HCG levels are at least at 50... and that's NOT using FMU. oh man. I haven't decided if I should tell III. I don't want to get his hopes up if this is going to be a false alarm...