Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Don't know how to feel...

One of my biggest fears through all of this has been chemical pregnancy. Isn't that weird? Shouldn't I be more afraid of having a m/c? I'm sure if I actually had a m/c, I would be more upset than a c/p. But in my head... I dread the thought of getting that + only to be told "Oops. Just kidding. You're not pregnant after all."

Which is why I haven't become one of those ARTers who are obsessively taking HPTs. I have here and there.... but not every cycle and rarely more than once. I like that when I get my beta, they can tell me exactly how high (or low) my hcg is.

But the hope that I talked about yesterday was making me nervous. I didn't want to be caught off guard. So this morning I did it. I had a hpt that KB had bought a while back when she was late. She gave it to me, saying she wasn't going to need it for a while. (Ha ha ha. Who would think I'd still be needing it all these months later.) This morning, at 7 am, I used it.

After taking that picture, I got online to find how much hcg gave a positive result. For fi.rst resp.onse, it's only 25. But it's positive.

Am I excited? Not really. I think I'm not allowing myself to be excited yet. My beta is tomorrow. I hope it's 100+. If it's not, I know I'll be really sad. But.... this is the first time I've ever seen two lines. This is the first time I might actually be.... pregnant. (My hands are shaking as I type that.)

Please, please, please let this be my time.

**updated**
Now I can see how people do get obsessive about this. I sat here and thought about going out and buying an HPT that was less sensitive to see if I got a positive with that. Then I remembered I had a digital EP.T "Cert.ainty" under my sink.... it came free with some others I bought. EP.T Cert.ainty measures a HCG level of 50, according to fertilityplus.com.

So my HCG levels are at least at 50... and that's NOT using FMU. oh man. I haven't decided if I should tell III. I don't want to get his hopes up if this is going to be a false alarm...

5 comments:

Katie said...

OMG!!!!!!!! I have tears of joy for you right now! I feel in my heart that THIS IS YOUR TIME! Did you call the doc to tell them???? I have been thinking about you all week, and this is the best news!!! Keep us updated!

Frenchie said...

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!! Woot!

LuckyOnce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God. I can't wait until tomorrow!! I hope this is the one!!!

xoxo
-K

c by the sea said...

YAY! I am getting very excited for you and hoping you update with great beta numbers soon :)

((HUGS))

C