Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Scared.

After a lovely weekend of friends and fun I was finally feeling content. Then, Monday morning, I walked into work and it just hit me- ugh. It's too bad I'm not enjoying my job this year. I saw two former students this morning and remembered that I have loved my job before. Maybe it's just a bad year. :(

On top of that, I got scared last night. Scared enough that I had trouble falling asleep. Scared that we won't be able to have a baby. Scared that whatever is wrong is not fixable. I hate this.

III had another SA. His numbers for our IUIs have been inconsistent. Also, Dr. Z wants him to have a SC.SA test. Having so much info on the internet can be helpful, but it also can be emotionally detrimental to someone like me. Reading about it last night scared me. What if he has the DNA fragmentation? Dr. Z said we'd go straight to IVF. By when will we know? We're already into this cycle. I'm on CD 6 with 3 days of injections under my belt. (well, above it actually...) I'm praying for a <15%.

For those who are interested... his baseline numbers:

Sperm Concentration 20 million/ml
Total Sperm Count 104 million
Sperm Motility 50 %
Rate of Progression 3
Semen Color Clear
Volume 5.2 ml
Viscosity none
pH 7.8
Round Cells 0 million/ml
Liquefaction Complete
Total # of Motile Sperm 52 million
% Normal Forms 2 %

% Head Defects 92 %
% Tail Defects 6 %

And last week's numbers:

Sperm Concentration 9 million/ml
Total Sperm Count 47.7 million
Sperm Motility 44 %
Rate of Progression 3
Semen Color Clear
Volume 5.3 ml
Viscosity none

pH 7.8
Round Cells 0 million/ml
Liquefaction Complete
Total # of Motile Sperm 21 million
% Normal Forms 2 %
% Head Defects 81 %
% Tail Defects 17 %


There is clearly a morphology issue, but at our first meeting post baseline SA, Dr. Z said that it wasn't a concern because the count was plenty high. I wonder if that analysis will change since the last SA.

Our IUI numbers have been all over the place, from 2.4 million total motile sperm this last IUI (the first day, when motility was only like 9%) to 12.1 total motile sperm at our first January IUI. My understanding is they like anything above 5 million. (Our last two IUIs were both below 5...)(I'm such a math teacher... six IUIs, median=6.2, range= 9.7. ha ha ha.)

Anyway... needing one of these today....
Oh, I hope so. :(

3 comments:

meinsideout said...

I hope you get some good answers soon and I hope that the IUI works for you - if you have to do IVF, I hope the first one works.

((HUGS))

kirke said...

Okay...a couple of thoughts....(I hope this helps and isn't annoying). At my clinic they said that morphology doesn't really matter with IUI....and that you want to have motility right around 50 percent....so you shouldn't have anything to worry about.....

Have they checked your husband for a varicocele? Just curious....

michelle said...

Uncertainty is always scary isn't it. I often found my mind getting the best of me, leading me down the darkest of paths especially during the nighttime hours.

I hope you get some answers soon and that things start to spin in a more positive way.