Wednesday, April 15, 2009

More perspective...

Three years today, III proposed. Happy proposal-versary to me. :)

If you read my blog regularly, you may know that perspective is a big thing for me. In fact, just the other day one of my friends told me that when she is in a situation that is upsetting her, it's like she has my voice in her ear encouraging her to look at others' perspectives in the situation.

IF sucks. Big time. And it's a big deal- whether or not we'll have kids. Life changing. But a number of things this week have definitely given me some perspective.

I don't know this family, but my heart breaks for them. I can't imagine their pain. Last night I read Maddie's father's words, and it brought tears to my eyes. No one should lose their child. And to know that this is a family who struggled with infertility makes and infinitely sad situation even more so, if that's possible.

I read this article today (after I wrote this post, so now I'm adding to it...). I recently became an organ donor. I have mixed feelings about it, but that's mostly related to my own issues and fears about dying. If I was dying of some sort of disease that could be remedied by getting a transplant, you can bet I'd be happy that others are donors.

One of the women who works on my team was diagnosed this year with ALS. Advanced, rapidly progressing, ALS. I think about how hard it is for me to think about, for example, next Christmas, and know it's quite possible B-dog won't be with me anymore. I can't imagine what it's like to know, as her daughter does, that next Christmas my MOM wouldn't be with me anymore. Or to know that I wouldn't be here. Despite all of this, she still is making an attempt to come to work as often as possible. Sadly, today she came to work, only to find that she couldn't handle being here. I went into the office to discover her colleagues trying to arrange a way to get her down the stairs, into a car, and home. This is a very private, stoic woman, who now has to rely on help from others. Who was in tears at her work place today. Who knows she is going to die, and it is going to be sooner rather than later. Who knows that her struggle, even if it is short, is going to be terrible before her death. So, so sad.

It is a wonder to me that we all make it through all of this. Life is so uncertain. It scares me immensely to think that B-dog will die, my parents will die, III will die, I will die. I continue to be afraid that we won't be able to have children, but if we are, new fears replace the old. Not the least being, they, too, will die! Obvious, I know. But to me so, so scary. I don't know how I would deal with each of these situations. I often feel like I couldn't deal. But you do. They do. I would.

I didn't mean for this post to get so morbid. I meant for it to be about being happy for what I do have. A lovely home. Financial security. My health. My family. My friends. My dogs. My loving, wonderful husband.

So, today's quotable:


1 comment:

meinsideout said...

Life is shitty and morbid some days. ((HUGS))