Thursday, April 2, 2009

My girl.

I am definitely this person.*

It is seriously ridiculous how much I love my dog. One of my favorite feelings is having her cuddled up next to me on the couch with her head resting on some part of my body. I get such a warm feeling in my chest when I bury my face in her neck. On Tuesday night, she jumped into bed with me and when III came to bed he let her stay. I loved having her there the whole night.

She's doing so awesome. Since that terrible, terrible weekend she's like a new dog. Her first round of chemo basically put her into remission, where she's stayed for the last three months. She has two treatments left (next week and then in three weeks) and then she's done. I asked the doctor if it's possible that the chemo is just keeping the cancer at bay, and when it's over it will come right back, and she said that's unlikely. I'm so, so happy she is doing well, and I feel like the last three months have been "bonus time", of which I have made sure to take full advantage.

But as great as it feels to me when I cuddle up with her, the approach of the end of her treatment has me thinking about when the lymphoma will return. There is no way to know. It could be a month or it could be a year. Then that counters the joy I get from my interactions with her. I know I should try not to worry about this, but I can't help it- it's just my personality. (That's why I'm on pro.zac. So each thought does not turn into a full blown anxiety attack...)

My parents are planning on visiting this summer. My mom was here 2 years ago, but my dad hasn't been here since my wedding (when B-dog was with a sitter) and before that, the last time they came was before I got her. So my dad has never met my dogs. We were talking about that, and I said to him "But I don't know if she'll be around when you come this summer." That's over 3 months away, and it's scary to think that by then I may no longer have her. I understand how people say, after losing their pet, "I'll never have another..." The great joy you get from them makes the loss even more crushing... it's part of the reason we got M-dog. III calls him the "buffer". LOL. (Part of it was also as a companion for B-dog, and part of it is because, if I could, I would adopt every freaking dog off of the rescue website... I still look at their web page and III tells me "You can't have another one!")

I've always loved dogs, and I always knew I wanted a dog. But I never realize just how much I could love the dog that became my dog.

*Okay, not every one of those applies to me, but enough of them that I'm a little embarrassed...


Michelle said...

OMG the list you linked to was hysterical. I absolutely love the photo of your dog! I am so glad that he is doing better. What a scary experience.

Anonymous said...

I love my dogs - my one dog shelly is my best friend - she is such a momma's girl and we love each other unconditionally - I feel you!