Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Just another reason why IF sucks.

Finally pregnant after close to two years... and I can't even enjoy it!

As I mentioned in my previous post, yesterday, and now today, I felt better than I have the last two weeks. Woohoo right? No. Of course that makes me super worried that the little creature in my uterus has stopped growing and I am having a missed miscarriage.

I am fully aware that symptoms can come and go. Plus, after my self imposed hiatus from the endo.metrin, I actually ran out last night and so didn't take it this morning (and more isn't coming until tomorrow, so another thing to worry about...). So that could be contributing.

It's not like I have no symptoms. My boobs have been sore from the beginning, though from what I've read not nearly as sore as many have, and they are still giving me plenty of twinges. When I eat alot my belly button hurts. III's eggs this morning made me need to open the window (though not as bad as on Monday). The apple cider vinegar trap we have set out for the nasty fruit flies in my classroom is also making me a bit nauseous. And my sense of smell is definitely more sensitive, as I feel like all of my students have bad breath today.

Despite all of this, I feel like my symptoms aren't as strong as they have been. And, in spite of my rational brain telling me to calm the heck down, my worry neurons are telling me it's bad.

I'm a worrier and probably would have this problem anyway. But IF has definitely made it stronger. Not to minimize anyone's miscarriage, but if I was "normal" (or like KB "advanced" in fertility, LOL) I would know that after a m/c I can "try again." If I was to m/c, it would be back to square one. Well, that's an exaggeration since we have frozen embryos. I guess it would be like square 3 or 4. But you get the idea.

Sorry I'm such a bitch and a whiner lately. I am just feeling very overwhelmed by all of this, and clearly sorry for myself. How pathetic. Thank god I have an OB appt on Monday, so I don't have to ruminate for too long before I can get some reassurance....

I may be back later today... I have some venting to do about others' expectations on me and feeling like a bad friend... :-/


Anonymous said...

(hugs) I'm probably the last person who you want telling you not to worry too much about missed m/c, but even with D, my symptoms did come and go. I wasn't nauseous all the time, only sometimes. I know it must be so hard to let the worry go, (and I've been there as the worrier, so I won't tell you to even try) but I have a good feeling about you and the little alien in your belly. :)

xoxo - K

Frenchie said...

I'm right there with you. I'm driving myself nuts. Agonizing over every symptom that fades or just isn't there....constantly poking my boobs like an idiot. Ugh. I totally get it. glad to know I'm not alone. Hugs.

"The Life We Live" said...

The best advice that someone gave me when I was in your shoes...stop worrying! :) That being said I know how hard that is. But honestly I felt the same way you did around 8-9 weeks. I thought I was having a missed miscarriage (even though the chances of that are VERY slim) because all my symptoms were disapearing!

I actually think its pretty common to loose some if not all of your symptoms. I lost mine and they never came back again. Now I can actually say that I have had a pretty easy preganacy (so far) So hang in there, stop reading google and try to relax. I know its a lot easier said than done.

IF does make it a little harder to enjoy pregnancy in the early stages, but I do promise you that there will come a time when you can really start to enjoy your pregnancy! :)