Thursday, September 3, 2009

Feeling super anxious.

Too much on my plate today.

I'm not ready for students to come on Tuesday. I have so much to do in order to feel prepared, but it is likely not going to get done.

I'm nervous about traveling. I always get nervous traveling, but this is the first time in a while I've traveled on my own. I'm not afraid of traveling by myself, but being by myself allows me to get too inside my head and worry about all that could go wrong.

I vocalized to my neighbor today that I'm estimating B-dog has about a month. She's feeling ok still, but has lost some weight and her nodes are growing. My one month estimate is for when we will make the decision to put her down.

I'm going to the movies tonight with KB and others. Part of me doesn't want to go because I'm so stressed out and feel like I have so much to do, but the other part of me knows that is exactly why I should go... plus, I really, really want to see this particular movie.

My biggest anxiety: tomorrow is the big day. U/s day. I'm terrified I will get there and they will find that my embryo stopped growing. That it is still nestled in there making my boobs hurt and making me so hungry that if I don't eat every three hours I get shaky, but that it is empty or too small or has no heartbeat. And because of the family situation, I am going by myself. III was supposed to come with me so that he could see our potential baby and hopefully see a h/b, but to be 100% honest, I also wanted him there in case it was bad news so we could support each other. Please, please, please let everything be normal and growing and beating. I might not be able to handle it if it's not. I might have to crawl into my bed and never come out. I definitely don't know how I'll spend a weekend with the in-laws, despite the happy news that my FIL is doing very well (considering he was technically dead two days ago).

Yeah, I definitely need to go to the movie or I will sit here inside my own head and make myself nuts. I need a robot maid (you know, like Rosie on the Jetsons) to finish my laundry, pack, and get everything for my trip ready. That would definitely make life easier.

Wish me big luck tomorrow.

8 comments:

LuckyOnce said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Wishing you all the luck in the world...

Katie said...

Oooh, I want a Rosie too! That would be so freakin' cool! I hope you enjoy the movie and can get your mind off all the stress right now. Will be thinking of you during u/s tomorrow!

meinsideout said...

Wishing you so much luck and keeping it all crossed for you.

"The Life We Live" said...

Good Luck Sweetie!!!

c by the sea said...

sending you lots of good ju ju!

everything will be okay.

meinsideout said...

Thinking of you and hope you are able to update us.

michelle said...

Good luck tomorrow- I will be thinking all kinds of good thoughts for you! I am sure once you get tomorrow behind you the thought of traveling will seem less daunting too.