Today has been a very bad day.

I can't remember the last time I cried so much.

B-dog is so miserable. They gave us meds to give her, but they seem to make her uncomfortable in other ways. She lays there and breathes shallowly and whimpers. It's awful. It's also hard when she needs to go out because we have stairs at every door.

One of the meds she is taking makes her lose her appetite, which in turn makes it hard to give her her meds. For a while today she would eat peanut butter. I got her to eat a little bit of dinner by mixing a bunch of stuff she likes together. (Gross to a human, but apparently appetizing to a dog.)

But then we just had a very rough medicine moment... She wouldn't take even peanut butter, so I had to force the meds. I did what I would usually do when that's the case and opened her mouth to put the meds on the back of her tongue. She freaked out- I know her neck is sore so I don't know if that is part of it- and she started screaming and, the worst part- she tried to bite me. B-dog has never, never, never even come close to biting a person, even when playing. And certainly not me. She then went to her bed and my husband was petting her. I went over and saw a little piece of something that I was concerned might be part of a pill in her bed (I wasn't even going to attempt to give it to her again, I just didn't want M-dog to eat it) and she snapped at me again. I cried and cried and cried. She seems to have forgiven me and cuddled her head into my hands while laying down. But it was horrific- she is probably going to die and I do not want some of our last moments to be like that. If they want us to continue meds after tomorrow, I will have to ask them if there is another way to administer them.

I don't know what to do about work tomorrow. She will be at the vet all day. I could just take first period off since I don't teach second or third and then go to school. I could take the whole day, but then what? I will sit at home and cry? Husband has offered to take her- a big reason I feel like I should go to school is if the news is bad (and all info points to that outcome) we may find ourselves needing to take a day off to have her put to sleep... Ugh. I can't believe this is happening. I was really hoping to have a couple more years with her. I can not fathom our home without her.

I'm devestated.