I'm super dissatisfied with my job lately. I'm just TOO TIRED.
This week I'm wishing I had a desk job. I've had (busy, demanding, rigorous) desk jobs in the past... but teaching- you can't have an off day. And you definitely can't have an off week/month/semester. When you do, you are judged by the kids, the parents, your colleagues, your administration. I know that's true about other jobs (the colleagues and bosses, at least), I just feel so responsible for the students and when I don't do a bad job I worry I will damage something important for my students.
So right now I wish I had a job that others didn't count on so much where I could sit at a desk and answer the phone and check my email. I wish I didn't have to get up in front of 90 people (even if they are little people) every day and pretend like I'm on top of my game and expect the same from them. I wish I could go to the bathroom whenever I need to and take phone calls from my doctors and my dogs' vet.
This is the worst time of year for me- it's almost March and, especially as a teacher, I hate March. But I seem to get into this funk earlier and earlier in the school year. But I think I'm afraid to make a change. It's the day-to-day vs. the big picture (I have awesome benefits, a great pension plan, and, as many non-teachers remind me, summers off....).
So I'm funky. And cranky. And hope it gets better soon....
Her Only Solace Was Action
3 months ago