Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Gossip has outed me...

So, one of the benefits of not being at school is that I can keep this pregnancy under wraps a bit. I have told 2 friends from school- one who had been through tons of infertility stuff, and another who's sister has been through it and who has recently had some trouble herself.

Today, I got an email from another coworker congratulating me. She said she heard it from this totally random coworker in the copy room. WTF???? My friend T (the first mentioned above) is very close with a former secretary at our school, who is a HUGE gossiper. T told me the last time I saw her that this woman wanted her to let me know that she's "always praying" for me. I'm guessing T told her, and then she has let the news leak. Either that our someone overheard my second friend talking about it, though I don't know to whom she would have been talking.

Fuck. I mean, we were going to start telling people soon anyway, but we haven't even told our families!!!! *sigh* I'm annoyed. I'll have to talk to III today about revealing to our families. They live far away, but with fb now everyone is close by. I'd hate to have them find out by accident from someone else. *sigh*

I just wasn't ready yet. I'm not even feeling like this is real, and I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don't want to have to give my parents bad news if this doesn't work out. I feel like having other people know makes me even more anxious- I don't know why. I know it doesn't have any bearing on whether or not this baby stays with us. But I feel like now that the world knows, somehow things are more dangerous.

I'm irritated with myself I guess too. I haven't been "careful" enough. It's not that hard to find this blog. I also have posted a handful of posts on a pregnancy board- mostly because I've been so anxious and wanted reassurance. One is a board for people who are pregnant after having losses. I used my standard handle, and an acquaintance from college contacted me because she saw my posts there- she's 11w after having had 2 m/c. I told myself that the only people who would be reading the board would be others in my place (which is what I've told myself about this blog), but clearly if I didn't want others to know I should have kept my mouth (or I guess my keyboard) shut.

Annoyed. I guess that's what I get for being too much of a 'sharer'. :(

10 comments:

Keya said...

Shucks, I am sorry your colleagues found out before you had a chance to tell them. Isn't it funny when you tell a friend "pleaaase don't tell anyone", they have to tell so and so.
What's the point o

f telling them not to talk about it? I hope you can share the news with family soon, I am sure they will understand your need to have kept it quiet this far.

thirtiesgirl said...

Well, that sucks. Hope you feel comfortable enough to let your family know soon. Agree with above poster--they should understand why you've been hesitant thus far.

My Vegas said...

Man,that sucks!!! I hate gossipy people. I ended up telling a few close friends via email yesterday, so I figured I had to tell the parents. Darn facebook!

irrationalexuberance said...

Don't beat yourself up about it -- it is a tough line to walk between getting thesupport and encouragement you need and keeping things completely silent. I got outed at work WAAY to early and then just categorically denied it for another 6 weeks, so I totally understand the stress of random colleagues knowing before family and before you are ready.
So just deny if you feel you need to , or ask people to not say anything further. But you are well within the parent telling zone, so look at it as an exciting opportunity to share really wonderful news!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry. That really sucks. :( Half of the fun of waiting to tell is that YOU get to tell and see/hear people's reactions. I'm sorry you didn't get to have that fun. :(

-K

Clare B E said...

its so hard to trust ANYONE...
and annoying that your friends have already started stirring and blabbering to all and sundry.... gutting...

best talk to your flks about it before someone else does it... and you may not like the way that they inform your family.... =/

Frenchie said...

It sucks that people are gossiping, but they are probably excited for you. Still, it sucks when the news gets out before you are ready. I had to let the cat out of the bag with Grace before I was ready, because I was in a terrible car crash at 6 weeks. We felt we had to let people know why I was sooooo freaked out. Not the way I wanted to share my news and it was a disappointment. Hopefully you will enjoy telling the family now. :)

RunnerWoman said...

my take on sharing news is that you have to divide people into two categories. 1. people who will take your secret with them to the grave, you have no need to let other people know how important that they have been trusted with news
2. people who you tell things to that you fully expect and don't mind at all if the information you share is posted on the internet.
ok, i'm over-simplifying a little (and being too cynical) but it makes decision making around sharing information much easier and more straightforward to use these two categories when deciding whether or not to share.

Browniris said...

I can totally relate to your post. I have been really hesitant to start sharing the news, too. It is so frustrating when you are forced to start sharing because others can't keep things quiet!

SLESE1014 said...

I'm freaking out about sharing our treatment let alone the results. No one in my family knows about my blog and there are only a few irl people who know what going on. I feel your pain, I just wish I was in your shoes worried about sharing pregnancy news