Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The suckiness

III and I are headed to see a counselor today. She was recommended by the nurse at my clinic (after I broke down crying on the phone when they told me I was going to lose this last pregnancy... is that so uncommon???). III and I decided we needed to sit down with someone, even if it is for them to tell us "yeah, things just suck right now."

I'm a little nervous, though. I'm nervous about what might come out. I'm nervous about how III will interact with her (he's never been to counseling/therapy). I'm just nervous.

I think I'm at the end of my rope in a sense. I start every day with a headache and I'm exhausted all day. I have so much to do and no energy or motivation to do it. I just want the school year to be over, even though it means we are headed away for at least six weeks. I'm feeling very anxious about the uncertainties in our life right now, and though I dread leaving my home, another part of me just wants it to be over so that I can just deal with the reality of it instead of worrying about how it might be.

I feel like I'm longing for something but I don't know what. There is no one thing- or even several things- that can realistically happen to help settle me.

Yeah. Things just suck right now.

5 comments:

DaisyGal said...

you know ..when things SUCK the most...they can only get better ...at least I want to believe FOR YOU (and the rest of us) that this is true.

You are probably at therapy right now, so I'm sending some good vibes to you...some "LET ME JUST TALK" stuff, so you can just move on to moving and trying to get PG and tying a knot at the end of that rope and hanging on.

You WILL BE OK..you know that ..right??? It's going to be ok.
"ALL WILL BE WELL"

HUGS

jill said...

I'm sorry for the suckiness :( Sending *hugs* and strength for the therapy session. May it help you both.

S said...

I commend you for reaching out for help, and I hope that the counseling benefits you both.

You have many reasons to feel unsettled, so I'm not surprised you are manifesting some physical symptoms, too. I do hope you feel better soon.

sprogblogger said...

The suckiness is so real and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went to counseling after my most recent miscarriage, and it did help - even though all she could really do was to agree that, yeah, this really sucked. Actually, she did remind me of something that I will remind you of - the horribleness that you're feeling is chemical as well as emotional. There's a physical reason for your misery, and it's not strange that you're feeling it. It helped me to hear someone else say that out loud, so just in case your therapist doesn't - or hasn't yet said it...

Thinking of you and hoping that the misery starts letting up soon.

c by the sea said...

i'm so sorry that everything sucks right now. i think the counseling sounds like a great opportunity for you and III to get it all out in the open.

good luck. i hope the rest of the school year flies by and you are able to find some peace.