Tuesday, May 4, 2010

There's not really a lot to say.

...and my thoughts are very disjointed.

I'm frustrated that I haven't gotten to speak to my own doctor yet. (My appt yesterday with with someone else from the office.) and according to his nurse, yesterday, I won't be able to talk to him until next week. She wanted me to wait until next week for my follow up ultrasound (to verify what they told me was pretty much certain) and I told her I wasn't willing to do that. She told me my dr would be out at the end of the week. So I sent my doctor an email saying I'd like to speak with him via phone. I got an auto-reply that he's out of the office until thursday.

III and I talked about going away. We may go spend two months or so in his hometown this summer. It means being closer to his family (good for him, not so much for me) and they have a lovely lake house which is quiet and relaxing (good for both of us).

I am feeling like I am never going to have a baby. The doctor I saw yesterday told me not to give up on IVF- he does not feel that we are at the end of the road here. But he hasn't had to go through the shots and the hormones and the procedures and the pregnancies and the failures- with NO ANSWERS to show for it.

I'm defeated. I don't know where to go from here.


Lara (NoodleGirl) said...

I know that feeling -- I was ready to give up after my 2nd loss. I never, ever thought I would have a biological baby and had accepted the idea of donor eggs. But my RE convinced me to give it one more go and against all odds, here I am.

You just need a break, hon. Get your thoughts together and get off the IF roller coaster for a while. The lake house for 2 months sounds perfect.

As for talking to your RE, give his assistant a call, explain the situation and ask for a phone consult. The nurse isn't the one who controls his schedule and all the REs at BIVF do phone consults - I would think in your situation, even if he is on vacation, he can do a 15 minutes phone-in.

Fran said...

Petal, I can't remember if you said it somewhere, but have you checked immuno issues? Sometimes they are the cause for early pregnancy loss. I am on prednisolon and clexane when i cycle. not sure if it makes a difference given that I had only ectopics, but it may really be something to look into. you are in my thoughts, Fran

Kakunaa said...

I'm so sorry...I really hope that you are able to meet with your doctor very soon. Your summer getaway sounds like a fantastic idea. (((HUGS)))

Auntie K said...

I've been very much out of the loop lately! I am so sorry you're going through this yet again. I know I don't have the right words, so just know I am praying for you.

Jenn said...

I'm so very sorry. I know your pain very well and my heart aches for you and your DH. Sending hugs and prayers your way.

AJ48 said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. (((big hugs))

Getting away for a while just might be what you 2 need.