I've been meaning to update, and I definitely have plenty in my head that I think I want to share, but then when I sit down to type it out... I just don't want to anymore.
Thursday's ultrasound showed that neither embryo had a heartbeat. It also showed that my fibroid had grown from 5cm to 7cm across in just the week. That is basically the length of my entire uterus. Dr. Z actually showed us the ultrasound pictures so we could see exactly how it affected things. Thursday's ultrasound showed the fibroid encroaching upon the embryos.
Despite the bad news, we left feeling okay. Dr. Z is as certain as he can be that the crazy growing fibroid was to blame, and that it is something that can be remedied before we try again. I asked him directly if he thinks we need to stop trying, and he told us that when he has to have that conversation with couples it is very, very difficult, but that was NOT the conversation we needed to be having. That he still, without a doubt, feels we can have a baby.
The D&E was the next day. Again, we got to the appointment and we were both doing well. In good spirits, for what it was. But... you have to answer the same questions five different times for five different people... nurse, anesthesiologist, doctor, another nurse.... and they all just kept telling me how sorry they were. I know for some people that is probably really reassuring, but for me it was too much. By the time they took me into the OR I was crying and couldn't stop. I just wanted them all to stop talking to me, put me to sleep, and do what they needed to do so I could go home.
The procedure went well. I felt fine for the rest of the day.
Yesterday, I spend the evening with KB. She took me out to dinner and a movie- a girls' night date. We had a wonderful time and I just love her to death. It was exactly what I needed.
From here... I have a post-op appt with Dr. Z in three weeks. There we'll discuss what comes next, but if I'm understanding everything I'll have blood work and u/s to make sure I recovered fully and to see what Crazy Fibroid is doing now that all the hormones are gone. Then Dr. Z will refer me to yet another specialist to have my fibroid removed laproscopically. Once that procedure is done, and my recovery from that is complete, I'm sure my insurance will require we try a cycle with my lone frozen embryo. This is not something that III and I feel very optimistic about in terms of it being a "real" chance.... so that probably puts me at the fall before we can do another fresh cycle.
In one sense, it's tough to be "on hold" for that long, but in another it's probably what we need. I'm sweating that I'm turning 35 before I'll have a baby, but in the big scheme of things, what's 3 months? We're still looking into going away for the summer, and while I'll miss "my town", which I love in the summer, as well as KB, getting away from everything might be just what we need.
Thursday's ultrasound showed that neither embryo had a heartbeat. It also showed that my fibroid had grown from 5cm to 7cm across in just the week. That is basically the length of my entire uterus. Dr. Z actually showed us the ultrasound pictures so we could see exactly how it affected things. Thursday's ultrasound showed the fibroid encroaching upon the embryos.
Despite the bad news, we left feeling okay. Dr. Z is as certain as he can be that the crazy growing fibroid was to blame, and that it is something that can be remedied before we try again. I asked him directly if he thinks we need to stop trying, and he told us that when he has to have that conversation with couples it is very, very difficult, but that was NOT the conversation we needed to be having. That he still, without a doubt, feels we can have a baby.
The D&E was the next day. Again, we got to the appointment and we were both doing well. In good spirits, for what it was. But... you have to answer the same questions five different times for five different people... nurse, anesthesiologist, doctor, another nurse.... and they all just kept telling me how sorry they were. I know for some people that is probably really reassuring, but for me it was too much. By the time they took me into the OR I was crying and couldn't stop. I just wanted them all to stop talking to me, put me to sleep, and do what they needed to do so I could go home.
The procedure went well. I felt fine for the rest of the day.
Yesterday, I spend the evening with KB. She took me out to dinner and a movie- a girls' night date. We had a wonderful time and I just love her to death. It was exactly what I needed.
From here... I have a post-op appt with Dr. Z in three weeks. There we'll discuss what comes next, but if I'm understanding everything I'll have blood work and u/s to make sure I recovered fully and to see what Crazy Fibroid is doing now that all the hormones are gone. Then Dr. Z will refer me to yet another specialist to have my fibroid removed laproscopically. Once that procedure is done, and my recovery from that is complete, I'm sure my insurance will require we try a cycle with my lone frozen embryo. This is not something that III and I feel very optimistic about in terms of it being a "real" chance.... so that probably puts me at the fall before we can do another fresh cycle.
In one sense, it's tough to be "on hold" for that long, but in another it's probably what we need. I'm sweating that I'm turning 35 before I'll have a baby, but in the big scheme of things, what's 3 months? We're still looking into going away for the summer, and while I'll miss "my town", which I love in the summer, as well as KB, getting away from everything might be just what we need.
3 comments:
Sweetie, you are doing the right steps in the right direction. Remove the crazy fibroid, you'll have a perfect uterus then to welcome your little frozen embryo. It can work, for real. Love, Fran
You have been through hell - I am so sorry. I hope the D&C went okay ((HUGS)).
One step at a time sweetie. Recover first, then look at the options. A break is not necessarily a bad thing, some time to recuperate and have some IF free months, as best you can. (((HUGS)))
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