Thursday, March 25, 2010

This is getting tough...

KB emailed me yesterday. With her ongoing kidney issues, for which the treatment has to wait until after she's had the baby, she was hoping her doctors would induce her early. (She's 34 weeks right now.) Apparently, the doc who is dealing with those issues for her said yesterday that he didn't remember saying that was something he agreed with. She thinks it is. I don't know what happened- if he did say something and forgot, if he said something that she interpreted, if she said something to him and he misinterpreted it... whatever it is, she's upset. She sent me an email yesterday about it and said "I can't do this for another six weeks."

I know this isn't fun for her. KB doesn't deal with discomfort very well. I know she's uncomfortable and can't sleep. And that there's even pain sometimes. But... I can't help it. All I can think is YOU GET TO HAVE A BABY. There were four months in her whole life that she tried to get pregnant, and for three of them SHE DID. Her first pregnancy was super easy. I understand that this one hasn't been... and I understand that I am her best friend and we are the ones who support each other. But... I don't know. I think I've done a pretty good job up to now. But seeing her 7.5 months pregnant and knowing that they will most likely be able to resolve the rest of the stuff in 6 weeks- at which time she'll also have her baby boy. I'm having a really hard time being as sympathetic as I should be to my best friend. I may have something different to say if I ever get pregnant, but right now... I'll trade places with her. I'll take the kidney pain and the sleepless nights and the eventual hours of labor in exchange for feeling my baby kick me from the inside, seeing him grow via ultrasound, and then having him in my arms and watching him grow into a boy and then a man. Of course, then she gets to have my daily injections, my bloated belly, my aching ovaries... and my repeated negative pregnancy tests.

I remember when Miss M was born, after her months of discomfort and hours of labor, KB said to me, "The nine months seem so long, but now that she's here, I realize- it's nothing. It's a blink of an eye." Apparently, she isn't remembering that.

I wish I could be more supportive. I wish I could just say "This is her reality. No one wants to feel like shit." But I'm having trouble getting around the bottom line- she is going to have a baby. I still don't.

3 comments:

caitsmom said...

wow, that's tough. I'm impressed with your ability to articulate clearly and honestly what your struggles are with your friend's pregnancy. Lot's of courage--My one thought is that, "yes, it is her reality. And Yes, this is your reality." Sometimes we aren't able to give what others need. Peace.

jill said...

That is so tough. I would feel the same way if I had to listen to someone complain about their easy-achieved pregnancy. To help give myself perspective I try to think about others who would feel the same way about my complaints - at least I have ___ or at least I don't have to go through ___. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

pcossos said...

I'm sending you magical waves of strength to get through all the "baby" and "pregnancy" talk to your friend! I also know how you feel... infertility sucks and no one but other IF'ers can really understand!