Sunday, November 22, 2009

Knife to the heart

I have a friend from HS- we were very close our senior year and for a number of years afterwards. She is one of two HS friends I have kept in touch with (outside of FB) over the past fifteen years. She is not married, but in a long term committed relationship and they have a four year old who was "not planned but not prevented". A few weeks ago, I read on her blog that she was pregnant again. Today, she posted on FB about hearing the heartbeat. When people asked her when she was due, she revealed her due date.

May 1.

One day after I would have been due.

My mind started racing with all the reasons this is unfair. But it just comes down to my own jealousy and despair. It has literally ruined my day.

I hate what infertility has done to me when I can't even be happy for an old friend.

Damn it.

3 comments:

JC said...

Oh man I'm sorry! I'm really sorry, I hope you feel better soon. Lots of ((hugs))

Amy said...

I'm sorry. I don't think it is jealously exactly, though. It just reminds you - very poignantly - of what you are missing.

just me, dawn said...

I have to agree with Amy, it's like a fresh cut that hasn't scarred over, some things break it open more easily. Let yourself grieve; don't be too hard on yourself.