Monday, November 2, 2009

It feels like a list day.

  • Today I'm feeling sad that I'm not pregnant.
  • I opened up to III this weekend and told him I had this feeling of sadness and despair that seems to lie under the surface, even on happy days and times when I'm enjoying myself.
  • I think III has a bit of that too, but I think he doesn't even realize it. He blames it on Peanut or on work, but I think he is more sensitive to the negative things there because of the shitty things that have gone down with us lately.
  • Peanut is doing so much better. But she's still having accidents in the house, which I suspect now has to do with lack of consistency in her bathroom schedule. There was a lack of consistency because of how much she had to go after the deworming. Now that that's getting better, I'm hoping she'll fall into more of a routine and stop pooping on the floor.
  • Speaking of pooping on the floor, I started my morning yesterday at 6 o'clock by stepping toes first into a pile of dog shit. Nice.
  • I'm excited because KB found out she is having a boy.
  • I'm depressed because these were milestones we were supposed to be going through together.
  • I'm frustrated because I am waiting for my period to start so we can do something.
  • Mondays always make the week seem like it is stretching endlessly out before me, with too much to do.
  • I have too much to do, but I'm blogging instead of doing it.
  • When I go home, I have too much to do but I'm knitting instead of doing it. I finished the back of a sweater for III and am worried I'll spend all this time on it and he won't want to wear it or it won't fit. I'm also working on a hat for me and the Bi.g Blan.ket. I'm not sure who that's for... I had initially planned it to be for myself. I think I'm going to make one for KB, but I think I want to use more 'boy colors'.
  • The test I posted on Thursday is here. I also took an interesting relationship test here. I took a general stress test too, but it claimed it was going to email me the results and never did. Oh, and I took a procrastination test that said I'm a moderate procrastinator who is in danger of becoming a bigger procrastinator.
  • I'm having some bowel issues today. I think the apple I ate upset my colon. Why does that happen? I have such a sensitive digestive system...
  • Halfway through Monday... I'll get there.


tootertotz said...

Lurker/occasional commenter got my attention in a funny way today. The dog poop wake-up was what did it.

I have had a similar problem lately with one of our dogs and we decided to invest in a full size vacuum/steamer for the times when poop lands inside rather than outside. We were pleased with the price and the results we got after a HUGE poop explosion in our upstairs playroom. You may already have this area covered as a committed dog lover but if not...check out the Bissell ProHeat Complete 2x Pet model.

We got ours at Sams so it was just under $200 but SOOOOOO well worth every penny.

Hang in there with the waiting. I had about 9 weeks after my loss before I saw my first period. And keep on helps the time to pass and keeps your mind a little removed from the cruddy stuff.

sunflowerchilde said...

I have similar bowel issues, it sounds like. REALLY not fun. And I agree with your view of Mondays - I always feel like when I get Monday over with, I've made a huge step in the right direction. Ay least Monday night comes once a week!

I hope you get AF soon and move on towards whatever you decide for your next steps. I'll keep crocheting if you keep knitting.

T said...

Just wanted to say Hey..
Hoping AF comes for you soon and you can decide what is next..

The highs and lows of IF TTC are unbearable at times.. big hugs...

michele said...

Some days sadness just happens. Most of the time I *think* I am doing OK accpeting that I cannot have children of my own and then it hits me - always out of the blue.

This weekend I was in a department store and ws giddy to buy THE CUTEST little outfit for my niece to be born in a few months and the next minute my mom found me sobbing into the same cute outfit because it will never be an outfir for MY baby.

Hang in there and skip the apples!