Monday, September 13, 2010

Woulda, coulda, shoulda...

If we had been one of those mythical couples (ha. I, fortunately or unfortunately, know quite a few of those...) who conceived our first month trying, we would have a two year old now.

If we had been one of those lucky couples who are a "one and done" with our first IUI, our baby would have just celebrated his first birthday.

If IVF had been our silver bullet, and the first one had "taken", we'd be the parents of a six month old.

If our first official pregnancy had been viable and I hadn't miscarried, KB and I would be raising our little ones together, just a few days difference in their ages.

If the fibroid hadn't taken all of the blood supply from my twin pregnancy, I'd be almost seven months pregnant- big and uncomfortable and keeping my fingers crossed for healthy, full term babies.

I've been told plenty of times, IRL and in blogland, that "you can't" think about what might have been. Focus on the now. Focus on the future. "It is what it is."

But how can I not think about it? How can I ignore what I might have had, especially as I sit here, three years down the road, with no baby?


Krystal said...

I know, I was just told I got to stop thinking about those things. The reminders are always there, from friends or SIL's pregnant and/or due when we should have been. So sorry you're having one of those days. I hope there is brighter moments soon!

stacie said...

It seems impossible to not think about it that way, at least on some level. I do the same thing even though I try not to. I think that it's probably ideal to not think about what could have been, but it's not always possible.

Kakunaa said...

I don't think you can forget! Do we tell someone to forget about the loss of a sibling/parent/significant other? HELL NO!! So, no one should expect us to forget these moments either. Bugger them. Mourn when you need to, and celebrate when you are able! HUGS