Friday, September 3, 2010

Out of sorts.

I'm out of sorts this morning. I just missed my workout with my trainer, because I thought it was at 10 and it was at 9:30. Grr.

I have really enjoyed working out with this trainer, and I have felt friendly towards her. I even knitted her a baby sweater as a thank you when we thought we'd be leaving in August. I invited her and her husband over tonight for a bbq with some of our other friends. She initially said "yes" but canceled last night because she said she has to work.

For some reason I wasn't surprised...

One of my worries about moving is making new friends. I am someone who doesn't have any trouble meeting new people. I'm very social and pretty outgoing... but when it comes to hitting that friend level, it is a little harder. I don't know if I have a different definition of "friend" than some- maybe some people who I feel are just acquaintances see me as a friend?

I worry that maybe I am trying to hard. I will meet someone who I would like to befriend, but when I reach out... they are always nice and usually seem interested in going out for coffee, or joining us for dinner- but then when it comes down to it, they don't follow through. It makes me feel like they are just being nice to my face, but aren't really interested, and that in turn makes me feel pathetic.

It is kind of pathetic, isn't it? It sounds like I'm thirteen years old! But I really only have a handful of close friends at home, and they are people who I have "collected" over the years- some relationships took years to develop into what we have. And when we move, I will be leaving them all and starting over. Yes, we will still be friends. We'll still keep in touch and talk on the phone and thank goodness for the internet! But how long will it take me to build new friendships that are local? And how hard to I have to try? And how much rejection (or even apathy and lack of reciprocation) can I take?


S said...

There have been a number of times in my life when I have found it difficult to make friends. Like you, I have no trouble meeting people, just have difficult taking to the next level, and have maintained a number of friendships over many years (and distance).

I find that unless I am a student or working in a large, collegial environment, it's just hard.

Don't have any advice to offer. Just wanted you to know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

Kakunaa said...

I have the same issue...and it frustrates me to no end. I get it. Are we trying TOO hard??? I don't know. I hope you find some balance...HUGS