Saturday, October 2, 2010


When III and I were just barely engaged, we were on our way to the grocery store when I had a meltdown. I can't remember the specifics, but I do remember telling him "I just feel really vulnerable." He told me "Of course you are. So am I. That's what happens when you love someone."

It's one of things I don't like about being married. I feel vulnerable in so many ways. This insurance situation has brought that feeling to the forefront again. I had to rely on III to figure out some of this insurance stuff, which puts it out of my control. If we spend savings on our IVF, it makes me feel indebted to him, since it's because of his family that we have the money.

Another aspect of my vulnerability in being part of a couple has shown its face today. While III is away on a tactical assignment for his law enforcement work, which leaves me anxious for his safety, a friend of mine who lives far away is losing her husband to cancer. My heart is breaking into pieces for her and her children, but I can't ignore the pain that is brought out by my own fear of "that could happen to me!"

The mail came a good ten hours after III left today. In it, was an envelope addressed to me in III's handwriting. It was a card which on the outside said "love" and the inside said "I was born to love you."

And that's why we agree to be vulnerable and accept the chances of the pain that comes from tragedies like my friend's.

So hold your loved ones a little closer today, and please send a prayer out there for my friend, T, her husband, B and their two sweet babies.


Kakunaa said...

What a beautiful sentiment. Thank you. It is good to have a reminder not to take ANYthing for granted. My thoughts go out to your friend.

caitsmom said...

"And that's why we agree to be vulnerable and accept the chances of the pain that comes from tragedies like my friend's."

Here, here. That's exactly it. Peace.

J said...

I'm sorry to hear about your friend's husband. Try and not worry about the money and being indebted to him because that is what marriage is about. If the shoe was on the other foot and you had the money and III had a sickness, wouldn't you help him? I know you would and you wouldn't think twice about it! Remember when he married you, he married YOU because he loved you and having kids is bonus!