It's weird to be a pregnant lady.

Sorry I've been MIA. My computer totally died and I had to get a new hard drive. You do not even want to know how many hours I spent on the phone with so-called tech support. Ugh.

But I'm back up and running (and, with the exception of my internet favorites, had most of my HD backed up!).

There's actually a lot to share, including some (non baby) drama, but lets be positive for today.

It is very interesting to (finally) be a pregnant lady. People regularly ask me "When are you due?" And I still always think they're asking "What do you do?" which always confuses me, because why do you care? But, oh wait. WHEN am I due. LOL Random people talk to me. In stores, in restaurants, from across parking lots.... The other day a guy who was walking with his wife and kids turned around to call to me and ask if it was my first.

I have not had any strangers try to touch my belly. Maybe it's the area where I live- people tend to keep more to themselves, so the comments and smiles are already above and beyond what you can expect on a daily basis!

The weirdest is when I get looks from men. Not bad looks... and not lecherous or anything. Just attention. One day, walking less than two blocks at an outdoor mall, I had four men give me friendly/appreciative looks. Maybe I looked extra cute (and pregnant) that day?

III is constantly looking at my belly and smiling. I am carrying high and out front, so I'm pretty much all belly. He is always commenting "He's getting big!" Which is much nicer than "You're getting big!" Oh, and to update on my previous post, we are no longer having sex. He turned me down again the last time I suggested it. I think he's too conscious that his son is inches away in my belly- not that he really believes he'll hurt him, but that he just feels weird. For now I'm okay with that, but it does bother me that it means we'll probably go six months without. On the flip side, III is much more sentimental and even affectionate sometimes.

At 30 weeks, I'm starting to have trouble bending over and my appetite is all over the place- some days I'm starving, others I want to snack all day, and still others I have no interest in food and only eat because I should. I'm clearly running out of room for my stomach to comfortably fit, and lets not even talk about my colon. But I still have 2 months to go, so I'm not going to complain. Six weeks from now may be another story!

Truly, I've (physically) had a pretty easy pregnancy so far. (Well, geez. It's only fair, I guess after the craziness of trying to get here...) A little heartburn, which I often have when I'm not pregnant, and a bout with hemorrhoids (which I've also had before). The worst is the sciatica in my right hip and leg... but, really, if that's the worst of it? I think I'm doing okay.

I promise to post more soon, including about some of the less pleasant issues going on in our lives right now. Hope some of you are still reading! I am reading many of your posts, even if when don't comment!

The hormones probably aren't helping...

Let me begin by saying that I'm sure I'd be less irritated if I wasn't teeming with pregnancy hormones. I totally get it.

So anyway.

When I decided to take this year off, my best friend was thrilled. She's staying home with her kids and was psyched that we'd get to see each other all of the time.

Of course, it didn't turn out that way.

I definitely see her more than I used to, but considering neither of us are working, it should be easy to plan time together- especially since I usually don't mind driving out to hang out with her and the kids at her house. After all, I just have me to get there.

The problem? She's a planner. BIG TIME. She literally has had every weekend this summer planned out since at least a month ago. Again, she has no weekends free to plan anything together. (Though one of those weekends is booked to have a shower for me- but it was one of only two weekends she had available the whole summer.)

A conversation will go like this:
BF: We should hang out this week!
Me: Yes, we should. My schedule is pretty open...
BF: Well, I have baby playgroup on Monday morning, and plans with J on Tuesday morning. Then I'm having lunch with A on Tuesday and we're taking the kids to the park. On Wednesday, my husband is going to work from home while I go to {this activity} with {whoever}. Then Friday we're leaving around 11am to go to the beach house for the whole weekend. So how about Thursday?
Me: I have to work Thursday. (Note- one of two days that I'm working the whole week)
BF: Ugh. Your work schedule is such a pain! It totally gets in the way of us hanging out!

Could that last comment kind of be tongue in cheek? Absolutely. Except she says it nearly every single time.

She really wants to meet my friend, Sra. I really want them to meet- they have a ton in common, plus they are planning my shower together. In May, I offered to have them over for a Saturday or Sunday, lunch or dinner, with kids. My BF had one day that worked for her. The one weekend that Sra was out of town. Then summer started, and like I said, she has every weekend scheduled already. Guess they'll meet at my shower....

The thing that has me going today... she wanted us to do a double date with our husbands- it's been close to a year since we have. Again, she had three days that worked- a Tuesday, a Thursday and a Friday. III generally is pretty wiped on work nights, but he said he could do this Friday, despite that fact that he's been 8 hrs away at training all week and will be driving back early in the morning.

I am working 10-5 that day. So I suggested we make reservations for 7:30pm. BF just called to tell me that's too late- they don't like to leave their babysitter longer than 9pm, plus she'd like to be in bed by 9:30.

*sigh* I know that you have to schedule your social life around your kids. I completely understand that in a very short time, that will be our world. But then don't make it seem like I'm the one who is making it difficult to get together. I was free every day this week.

She is my biggest support and I love her to death. But I'm tired and pregnant and cranky, and I'm not really interested in having to be the one who bends over backwards to try to make time together right now. And I resent that it makes me feel like I'm being antisocial and difficult.

/rant

Denied

Last night, I crawled into bed with III...naked. He just lay there. I said "Are you too tired?" He looked at the clock and said, "Yeah. I'm too tired." I put my PJs back on, gave him a kiss, and rolled over.

And cried for an hour.

There hasn't been much action around here for the last four or five months. On top of the normal pregnancy stuff, the increased dose of Prozac I'm on makes my sex drive about .... zero. III has stopped initiating- he told me that he felt like I just would say yes because I feel bad for him and "that's not hot."

So, though I never got that second tri drive increase, I try to initiate once in a while. Once we get going, I'm fine and enjoy it.

Last time, maybe a week or two ago, III commented that it was kind of strange to think of having sex while "our son" was there. I reminded him that HE doesn't know what's going on! LOL I still think III was kind of freaked out. I'm pretty sure he didn't... um... finish....

So, maybe he was too tired. Maybe it was because he had to get up early and knew he had a busy day today. But... geez. I know he, like most guys, would like to be doing it more often. And I know we'll have a big dry spell towards the end of my pregnancy and for a few months afterwards.

I don't know. I knew there was a possibility that III would just want to sleep, but it turned out to upset me anyway. Hello, hormones? It wasn't that I felt rejected, though I guess if I really delve into it I probably did a little. But It made me worry... maybe he isn't attracted to me. Maybe he won't want to have sex with me again. Even the really irrational, over the top thought... what if there's someone else?

I don't know the solution. III has told me he isn't too worried, that he knows this is temporary. I've already spoken to my doctor about adjusting my meds after the baby arrives. I know there is more to our relationship than sex, but I guess I still worry.