Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A little lost.

I'm starting to think maybe I don't want to do this job anymore.

I don't know how much of it is being overwhelmed by everything else that is going on in my life. But I'm just too tired. I don't care enough right now. And that's bad in any job, but especially this one.

Last week I wrote the following to KB:
"I hate that I have to think about work and other people's children every day. Your kid doesn't like his seat in my class? She needs extra help but you don't want to bring her early for my set help times? He doesn't think the class is challenging enough?

Guess what.

I don't fucking care. "
Hmmm... Not a very good attitude. Not one you'd want your kid's teacher to have, right?

Don't get me wrong- it's not that I like nothing about my job. There are things I love. And parts that I'm really good at. It's just that the parts I like are lately outweighed by the parts that are crushing me under their weight.

I keep thinking of other jobs I might do. I have looked into training for a number of them. But really? I just feel like I need some time off. But I'm not even sure I could justify that to myself, not to mention my husband.

We have parent conferences today after school. And then tomorrow during the last two hours of the school day (which means I need to leave sub plans for the classes I'm missing). I'm dreading it. There is no major heavy hitters coming- I just can't imagine sitting down and having to be on for the parents for two and a half straight hours (not even a bathroom break).

Today is also our holiday party. Which I should be excited about. But really? I just want to go home, curl up with my Peanut and take a nap. But I paid $20, and III arranged to come home a little early to take care of the dogs so I can go. So I'll go. But a party shouldn't feel like something else I have to do, should it?

I'm just so damn tired.


c by the sea said...

i'm so sorry you've been having such a hard time lately. i hope you are able to chill out and unwind over xmas break.

Auntie K said...

I feel ya on the teaching thing! I work in a middle school and it amazes me how little parents care about their child's education. Or then there are parents who do care, but what you offer isn't good enough. Oh well, find another school then.

I wish I could just not work for a while. Especially with all this IF crap going on in my life. Everything would be so much easier. Wouldn't it?? Maybe??

Anonymous said...

Ugh sorry about your job. That would be overwhelming and get old to have to deal with all the time. Do you get a good Christmas break? I hope so!

Becky said...

I'm in a major rut with my job these days too, but it pays the bills, so i stay!