Tuesday, December 22, 2009

"But that's a good thing, right?"

I have two friends who have really made an effort to keep up with where we are in this whole IVF process. Both of them called me after yesterday's doctor's appt.

After explaining, basically, what I explained here in yesterday's post to each of them, both of their responses were essentially "...those are good things!"

Yeah. I guess it is. Dr. Z seems pretty sure we're going to have a baby at the end of all of this. We have good enough insurance that it allows us these invasive and expensive treatments and we live in a state that requires insurance to pay for these treatments. We have not been told that our problems are too large to be overcome. We live in a time when science and medicine allows us, despite whatever crazy issues we have, to have (what our doctor assures us can be) a healthy baby.

So why am I not more excited? All I feel is the impatience of having to wait for my next period, and then through the necessary weeks of BCP. The anticipation of the shots and the bloating. The anxiety of scheduling all the appointments and procedures and the worry that it will all coincide with our vacation in February. The possibility of yet another failure.


Becky said...

Please, please stay optomistic, i beg you. When i was having issues getting pregant i swear my depression from it kept me from ovulating. I had plenty of eggs, i just wasn't 'popping them out' so to speak. after a few checks and painful procedures i finally ovulated and that was the month i got pregnant. I had a lot of stress the previous months before i got pregnant (my father was diagnosed with terminal can mid Aug, then died at the end of Nov). Just hang in there you can do this!!!!! While holding my little boy yesterday and looking into his eyes i knew every thing i went through was worth it. I know you have more issues than i did, but we share the same pain and the 'what if i never get pregnant' feelings. Science is amazing and you are so lucky your insurance pays for this!!!!!!

Nixy said...

Ho you are feeling is SO NORMAL. I think that we (as IFers) get so used to bad news, that we don't WANT to get our hopes up. We know how bad it is when it turns up BFN.

You ARE lucky to have something treatable. To have something medicine can treat. But it doesn't mean that you won't worry. (Just try not to, if you can.)

I'm so happy for you!

just me, dawn said...

I think given what you have been through, the fact that you are not counting on success is normal, we all try and protect ourselves as much as we can. I am so very happy to hear that the doctors are positive.....that is a really good sign. Try and keep the faith and believe in the fact that they think it is possible, so much bettter than the alternative. ((hugs))